compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ALMOST... ONE more day of school left..Just one. Then its all over. For 3 months at least. Even though im immensly happy at the fact that i wont have anymore work to do for 3 months and that i can relax, im still a person of nostalgia living in the past. This year was fun and id hate to see it go, i hate to see change. Well, i found out today that Jessica isnt moving. I kind of doubted she would, only cause i couldnt see it happening. But im glad that she isnt. That means we can bum around all summer. Im planning to call matt up either after school tomorrow or a couple days after and tell him how much i like him and ask him all my questions directly. sigh.. He said Kristina is "hot" hah yeah well i wouldnt know. Well im glad he doesnt think Diana is pretty cause shes too full of her own shit to being with. Kristina is really really nice and cool so im not jealous. Its not like he knows her/likes her so i guess its okay. Whatever. You dont have to think someone is hot to like them. He said brittney spears is hot too..hahaha. i guess i should have expected that one.. Its just weird cause this whole year hes been kinda shy when it comes to saying things like that. I guess im glad that hes embracing his heterosexuallity so well. hahaha. jk. But yeah i guess ill call him sometime early in the summer and tell him. Hmm..what else..Yeah we have geometry and Spanish finals tomorrow. I heard the spanish finals are easy. Then again i heard that from wendy. Shes good at that kinda stuff..well i dunno..i guess i should do okay. I got Bs every qtr except for first when i got a c. So, hopefully my average will be a b. Im glad everything, as far as the work, is over. Its a big hurdle to study for all the finals and shit. Its kinda weird. Its like, everything leads up to the finals and then finally when theyre here everyone just ends up being like..fuck it. no one studies..Its so hot outside and within 24 hours it will all be over. Why should they study..Man..but ill really miss some things. Just fucking off in ms currie scotts class, sitting around in gym in a circle and talking to all my buddies, making fun of ms hiteshew getting mad at us, making fun of ms mitchell, copying homework, having all yer little student allies to back you up, making fun of ms fine and mr dugas. All the..."situations"..like with matt..and all the other shit i endup hearing about but relaly dont care about unless it concerns me.. Man...Good times..Its like a little society. And its going into recession for 3 months. What am i gonna do till then? Sleep, probably. And maybe something will happen between matt and i. Thats probably more of a dream instead of actuality though. Im not even sure if i still like him. I do, but if someone asked me what i see in him i wouldnt have a straight answer..cause i dont know what it is anymore. I mean, hes cute and all, yeah..And even if he wasnt, which some of my friend claim hes really ugly..theres just something about the way he looks that i like for some reason. I mean..yknow when..something may not be perfect but you kind of like it for its imperfections? yeah. well thats how it is as far as his looks goes. And i dunno, hes kind of fun, he has two sort of contradicting habits..Hes nice to everybody, but he hates almost all of them. And sometimes it seems like he has some maturing to do..We all do, and thats not necessarily a bad thing its just..i dunno. Sometimes he can say some dumb stuff. But i still like him for some reason. I dont think hes hot, or sweet, but i think he could be. In other words, if he was mine he would be. Not like id make him those things, but if he was id look at him like that. I mean, i think he is a little sweet, but hes kinda shy about it and hides it under his "this girls ugly and that girls hot" exterior. Im not even sure anymore if i like him to like him or if i like him because hes someone to like. I think i really do like him though. its in a different way then my past crushes. This time, i can look at him as a person instead of some godly unobtainable figure or something. hah. well actually im not so sure if thats how i felt about my crushes really either..its more how i guess you could say i thought of them in comparision to me. haha. But i really dont know. I think sometimes that matt and i are really alike, then when he goes into some of his pot talks and goes on and on..or when he talks about stealing, i mean yeah its funny and i have no problem with either of those things. He just wears the subjects out after a while. But, i dont know. I still like him. Just as much as a ever did. Possibly more. Argh..i suck at relationships..How is it that it takes me this long to tell him face to face (well even longer--im gunna tell him tomorrow or day after or so) for anything to have a smidgen of potential in anything, while jessica can meet a guy over the weekend and be dating him the following week..I could never do that. Even if me and a guy liked each other, it would take so long for either of us to tell each other. why? i dunno. thats just how i am i guess. and consequently all the guys i end up liking are like that. Keven M. is pretty damn cute. He was a senior at my school and he was in melissas art class. He asked melissa about me a couple times in the beginning of the year cause he saw me around and knew me and melissa were friends and he thought i was cute. Me? Cute? since when???? Well i am beyond flattered that a guy that hot decided that he would think i was cute. He ended up dropping art midyear so he could take a college class outside of school, and melissa never got to show him to me or introduce us. I only just found out how he looked/who he was when i saw him in the yearbook. *sigh..* what could have been. Dammit. Well see i guess thats how everything is for me. Almost but not quite there yet. Almost pretty, but not quite there and still ugly. Almost normal, except really short, almost with matt, except for the major complications, almost popular, except most of my friends probably hate me, almost enjoying time for as it is now, instead of dwelling on the past... But everything misses the actual mark. almost... 4:46 p.m. - 2002-06-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||