compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- gutteral reaction/rehab I've been thinking a lot lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be happy. Things could always be worse, and there are a lot of things in my life going for me right now. My ex boyfriend's dad is dying of terminal cancer. His mother is crazy and confined to a wheelchair. I haven't seen him in a few weeks but we talk online. This is really selfish of me, but now I'm glad we broke up. He has and had a really negative energy about him, although he's a great guy, he's always sad. Now he has a real reason to be. I feel really awful about his situation. I hope things get better for him though. But I'm starting to see all the great things in my life. I'm young, priviledged, living in a fine house with other fine people in college park. My parents may not be the most supportive, but they try. And they're still alive. I should give them a call. This is all not to say that I'm not going to be trying to support him and be around to listen if he ever needs someone to talk to. "Jack" and I are supposed to hang out today. We'll see if he actually calls. If it doesn't work out though, I don't mind. Hopefully there will just be another time. I've been sort of scared of males lately. Them invading my personal space, touching me at all, sitting really close to me on a couch and putting their arm around me when I don't know them. I keep thinking, "try not to get raped." It's fucked up. I'll get over it though. Anyway, at least I'm done with being "sexually frustrated." I suppose I'm more of relationshiplly frustrated. I don't really want or need a commited relationship, just someone I can trust and who feels the same way about me as I do them. And I think I actually have that from a lot of people, I just need to realize it, and actually trust them. Life is an amazing thing. 4:18 p.m. - 2007-07-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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