compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amy in Wonderland? okay, so now I feel the need to document this very strange weekend, for reasons that shit like this needs to be written down somewhere. It involves a near death experience, Aaron being undeniably and openly shitty to be and our whole situation exploding, people telling me how they want to kill me off, unicyclists, coke dealers, a guy bleeding on the concrete, a crazy man on a bridge, a cloud in the shape of a smoke ring, and everything in between. okay, anyway, getting to what happend. We smoked a jay and then her friends had rolled one earlier and they had passed that around. Her friends had some really good shit. I took a huge hit off of it the first time, sitting on that log in the middle of the dam with the sun in my face..All of a sudden, the river was peircing my body, and the light of the sun seemed to blind me and paralyze me. I seriously felt like I was going to die, that the sun was going to burn me up. I couldn't imagine ever being in any other state as the state I was in at that moment, and coming back to my dorm and sleeping in my bed seemed like a far off fantasy. I felt so far away from everything. I felt really hot, so they moved me away from the sun and into the shade. I was okay now, no more near death experiences. Now I felt like I was transcending time and space, that my soul kept on inhabiting another persons body, but always a wife on a family vacation. Sometimes on a dock, sometimes actually in a river (which is where i was), sometimes on a ship or boat. We sat there for a little while enojoying the weather and the view, saw this cloud that was in the shape of a ring (which is really weird, I took a picture of it, so its just that i was high), and..yeah. so when we started back to our dorms, we crossed a bridge. Before we got onto the bridge, a guy with a top hat and cane put his cane out and yelled "TOLL!" as if he was some demented character in a novel. He then laughed and said he was joking but that it would be great if there was a toll because the campus would be making a lot of money. then finally we get back to our dorm area. Theres a kid who rides his unicycle around, and he was 5 feet away from my doing tricks. We ask someone the time. It is 4:20. Actually. Keep in mind this is the highest I've ever been in my life. I felt like I was on vacation in this resort town and they were throwing a block party, only it was a special vacation to a place like Sugar Mountain in the Niel Young song, where all your friends are there. Except it felt like my friends were being played by actors with different personas. When I came back to the dorm, Armida, my roommate, looked like a jester playing the role of Armida, because she was sitting in our windowsill with a pinwheel letting it blow in the wind. I joined her on the windowsill, and saw this kid derek come back in a suit, and so i thought a businessman was playing his role. Aaron sauntered out of our dorm wearing all black and meandering around with his camera, and it seemed like some sort of villainous character was playing Aaron. Everyone was outside, there was music blasting from someones stereo, so we decided to go back outside too. I brought my harmonicas out and Andrew played Armida's banjo and we jammed and it was transcendent. ha. Aaron asked Armida if he could take a picture of her playing the banjo, so he did. Armida gave me a cattail with the seeds exploded on the top, and Aaron took a picture of me blowing the seeds away, but he didn't ask to. We all hung out there for a while, Brad's brother came over and then we all made a huge migration to the diner. Oh yeah, when people found out that I was high they started fucking with me. What started as a terrible trip (a near death experience) and then became a good one (after that) felt like a nightmare was creeping up behind it. when Adrienne knew i was high she whispered to Dan how I wouldn't remember anything he said so to say it anyway, he told me that he would write me into a book of his just to kill me off. sarah was whispering to her friend how high people made her uncomfortable, and when I said I was stoned she said something like "stoned to death"..I dunno. things like this sounds really shitty when you're high. anyway, so at the diner people were fucking with me. I started to cry. Not out of being sad really, it was just the only way what I was feeling could come out. Meg accused me of having "fake tears" which disturbed me. Then we came back to the dorm area, and dave and michelle were picnicing. Aaron and I saw them and both talked about how cut it was, and they invited us to join them, so we sat down, and a lot of other people joined us. It was nice, just talking to everyone. But then Aaron turned into an asshole. He and Dave were talking about snowboarding, I said that I wish that I could snowboard. Aaron was very condescending about it, "you know Amy, you could just practice and learn like we did, its not like we were born knowing how to snowboard." I should have said something about how i wish my parents had the funding or the thought to even entertain buying me a snowboard, how i wished that they wouldve paid for classes and trips to the slopes, shit like that. I mean, whatever. I was just talking to them. So then I just said that I wish I wasn't lazy so I would learn, which was just flattering Aaron. I looked down at my harmonicas and said that all I am is a worthless harmonica player, and Aaron told me that I'm not even good at that. This is when Aaron started burning down my Sugar Mountain, my perfect world that I felt like I was escaping to. Everyone yelled at him for being an ass, but he didn't take anything back. I'm learning how to play, no one ever said I was amazing at playing or anything. Anyway, he was just being shitty. Dave reached out to give me a high five, and as I reached out to him Aaron slapped our hands away from each other and laughed. He then asked Armida if she still wanted to go to "that thing" with him, and they were both being secretive about it. I asked what they were doing, they were going to DC for this film festival (without me), my best friend and the only guy I've felt anything for so far in college, someone who used to be my best friend. This was disturbing when I was high. I couldn't beleive they were doing this to me. I asked if I could come, but I had a party to go to and I didn't want to ditch that for Aaron and Armida, who were both being terrible right now. Armida and I went back to our room and I started crying about everything, how everyone was fucking with me, how aaron doesn't give a shit about me anymore, and how she was leaving me to go somewhere with him. I was having a breakdown. Armida talked to Aaron about it. He told her that he was sorry to put her in this position, that me and him have "a history" and that there is "a reason" that he hasn't called me this semester, that things are different this semester, and he has changed. yeah..what the fuck. I was crying in the room, and Armida told him that and that he should talk to me but he said that it wouldn't be a good idea. Armida left me sobbing to go to the fucking movies with Aaron, and I tried to fix myself up for my friends birthday party and walked alone cross campus. When I got there everyone was already drunk, and there was a guy there who dealt coke. Being in the mood I was in, I wanted to try it, so he was talking to me and flirting with me which at this point I found disgusting. Me, the birthday girl (my friend daniella), and this really drunk russian kid all went outside to smoke a jay. The russian kid was so far gone, i told them not to bring him outside, but the coke dealer wanted to anyway. This russian kid was hanging out outside, then all of a sudden fell on his face and split a huge gash in his face, that left a stain on the concrete and blood running down his face. He had snorted coke and drank too much. The coke dealer just left, and people came outside and pretended to help, but only a few people really helped. A lot of people saw it as an opportunity to leave before the scene got really ugly. We called the paramedics and they came to pick this kid up, but not before being assholes about "underage drinking" and trying to lecture this kid about it while his face was bleeding. Daniella asked me to ocme with her to the hospital, btu the medics said we wouldn't have a ride back and that he isn't concious enough to know that we're there or not, so we didn't go..The rest of the party I mostly sat on the couch almost catatonic and having people ask if I was okay, and having this guy that looked like he was gay flirt with me. ew. I mean he was nice I guess, he drove me with some other people in the car back to bel air. I just went to sleep. The next day, yesterday, I woke up crying. Armida apologized for being such a bitch, and I'm still appalled at Aaron, so we'll see how things go from here. Armida and I both went to her house where we went with the rest of her family to this orchestra thing to support her sisters viola playing. The violin soloist had a wawa pedal for it, and played a cover of Metallica's Enter Sandman, which was the topping to my high that only at this point had faded away. 3:37 p.m. - 2006-03-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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