compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- voodoo chile okay. so today...I got out of bed at around 5 pm. I woke up a bit earlier then that..probably around 11. But i sat in bed and listened to the velvet underground and some clapton until about 2 when i got ahold of randhal and we had like a three hour conversation. I got up to eat. And now im back in my room. Ive been on the internet since after I ate. And I'm not depressed. no no no no no no no no... fuck. Who am I kidding. I'm a mess. And I have no idea why. Okay, yeah I know. But still. I probably shouldnt be that upset. But then again, I should. Should I? I don't even know anymore. I'm so tired of this feeling. Granted, this isnt as bad as seth or jon, because at least its not for another girl. And I'm proud that in the end I did get something out of Ben. I keep listening to this song by clapton and duane allman. I think its a cover of an old blues song. "sometimes I wonder why...can your love be so cold? I guess you don't love me..I'm gonna pack my things and go." hahaha. Maybe I sound melodramatic. I probably do. But I just miss talking to him. We would talk everyday. Usually for at least half an hour, and most of the time for an hour or two. And then it stopped abruptly. I guess I could call him. But its probably kind of pathetic for the dumpee to call the dumper two days after the breakup, as an unwritten but probably very obvious rule. I'm planning to call him about two weeks from now. ugh. man. Randhal suggested that I never talk to him again. I really don't like that advice. I mean he's a cool guy. I think what I miss most right now is just being friends with him, which should be something I could obtain in time, and then I'd feel a lot better. But I won't call him now. I wont I wont I wont. I mean seriously. I really won't. Instead I'll just sit here and listen to the blues and pretend he's just as sad as I am that he let me go. 8:05 p.m. - 2005-07-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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