compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- two lost souls swimmin in a fish bowl so yeah. hm. All of a sudden, about the day after my last entry, I realized how gravely and desperately I am dreading college. I dont know if its college in general or UMCP, but I am not excited. All I hear is "CP has the best parties"..and that worries me. I mean i dunno. I just don't like parties that much and don't want to become someone like that. Am I lame? I dunno.. I mean I am still going to college and still am going to UMCP, but I dunno. I can always transfer out i guess if i don't like it. meh. I really wish I had applied to Oberlin now, I'm actually kind of jealous of Ben. Speaking of Ben, i've resolved to ask him if he likes me. I mean, its a dumb question (at least I hope its a dumb question) since we are going out, but sometimes its difficult to tell. I think (and hope) that when it really does come down to it he does like me, but he's just shy and confused as to how he's supposed to act towards a girlfriend. Right now he's away on a family reunion until the fourth, and there will be "people there that [he] could technically marry" ha. I think he was just trying to say what a big group of people it will be and how far some of the relatives of his will actually be from him, but I didn't really enjoy that comment. meh. So T's party was kind of fun, although it seemed short. All the girls sang kareoke, myself included. Actually out of all the girls I think I made the biggest ass out of myself. score. Alicia Amanda and I all sang you're so vain by Carly Simon, and I knew all the words to the Disney songs so I sang half of those. Ben kind of sat there and played guitar. He learned the blues scale just by listening to a lot of Hendrix and Clapton, and he could just sit there and improvise off it. It made me annoyed/jealous/turned on. hahaha. Randhal and I hung out on tuesday. It was pretty fun. We didn't do much of anything, just wander aimlessly around Towson. I got lost on my way home from dropping her off, because northern parkway (this huge road that runs near her house) sucks. I ended up in downtown baltimore..yeaaah. But I called her and she helped me find my way out. I just wasted a lot of gas. yesterday me vy and thy almost saw war of the worlds. I mean, we didnt. But that was our plan. The people we were going to go with all bailed out at the last minute, plus I was kind of late, we wouldve had to speed there, so we decided on just hanging out instead. We went to the park for a little while, I got bitten by some bugs there. We visited spence and I met his pothead friend while they toked up in front of us, which I really didn't mind, except they got his cute, soft little chinchilla high too, which was kind of messed up..but whatever I guess. Apparently spence's friend that used to live with him has gone off to live in this anarchist commune thing, where theyre entirely apart from the government because they use a bartering system instead of money. Which is cool, sort of. I didnt know things/places like that still existed. So today me and my dad hung out for a little while..hahaha.."hung out". yeah I didn't know what else to call it. Anyway, so yeah, he showed me the new house again, which is insanne. I dunno, i really like the location, but the bigness of it is kind of lonely. I can just see how difficult it will be to actually have any family time in a house that big. All I can imagine going on in that house is college parties gone wrong. Like, there are two sliding doors that lead out into...nothing, but are a story above ground, because there is/was supposed to be a deck there that never got made. I can just see me or one of my drunken friends opening the door and stepping out and falling about 15 feet. Yeah. I don't actually plan on getting that drunk and/or really having parties at that place..but yeah. Its a big lonely house that feels kind of souless, but I guess it will be nice when we move into it. I really have no idea why two people need a house that big. I'd rather just have a lot of open space. How cool would it be to live on a farm, with a few acres separating you and your neighbors? ha, if I had a husband (right now the only person I could imagine that being would be Ben) that would be my dream come true. we would have hot sex every night and then till our feilds in the morning and eat our own veggies. Just kidding, no hot sex. well maybe. Anyways, that was an odd tangent. so yeah. I don't know what I'm doing on the fourth yet. Hopefully one of my friends will help me out with that, or I guess I oculd always go to the local highschool and watch the fireworks by myself. I remember last year's fourth of july. I went with meg and her bro and her causin and her causins boyfriend. It was really fun, theyre all cool people. The year before that I spent 4th of July watching it on tv and talking to Jon on the phone, which is kind of weird thinking about. I don't remember what I did three years ago though, probably nothing. I could just check my handy journal here though, I'm sure i have an entry about it. So yeah. Today vy and thy and I were actually going to go to the movies, but my mom won't let me because she doesnt know them, which is kind of lame. Theyre two chinese girls who live in catonsville. big effing deal. She doesnt even ask about them or want to talk to their mom, the answer is just "no"..and I'm eighteen. how pathetic. Then my mom was like you should be helping me outside rake the leaves (our neighbors sheared our bushes for us cause I guess theyre sick of seeing our lawn a "mess", but now they want us to rake up the mess they made), it would only really take 15 minutes to do and I would do it if there was a little comprimise in it, as in if she would treat me like a cooperative 18 year old, but she doesnt really want to and just kind of wants excuses to assert her power. meh. I feel bad for not doing it, but now we're even. I wouldve gladly done it if she wasnt such a bitch about it though. ugh. anyway. So now after hearing ben improv on the guitar, I really want to get better again. So, i'm practicing, and I guess I will visit the guy I know that works at the music place by my house cause he said he will give me a free lesson. I mean I could just learn on my own though. but..yeah. I dunno. I read Cats Cradle a little while ago, it was really good. I guess I have run out of things to say. 9:17 p.m. - 2005-07-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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