compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Great Beyond aah. finally took my last ap test today. Glad thats over..So its tuesday...Prom is friday. EEK! I gotta make sure my tan line is not terrible, try to not be too acnified (ew), get my hair and nails done, stop biting my cuticles so my hands don't look like crap, and probably some other things im forgetting. I feel ugly. But hopefully at the end of all the preparation i'll feel pretty. Hopefully Ben will think I'm pretty..So today we had psuedo philosophy club, where we climbed the tree again and just chilled for a little while. I told Ben how jerm wrote in my yearbook that he hopes that ben and I will have lots of babies, and he thought it was pretty funny. I got to drive Ben home and we talked about random stuff, it was pretty awesome. Today at lunch this kid was talking about how his girlfriend puts more time in his hair then he does, and ben was like awww.. So then I ask the kid if she comes over every morning to do his hair for him, and ben wistfully says that she wakes up next to him and does his hair. Aww. Now maybe its just me, but to me it seems like Ben really wants a girlfriend, and that he's hinting something to me. And even if he's not, it definettely makes me like him more. The fact that he conceived the notion of waking up with a girl made me want to wake up with him, really badly. Not really in a sexual way, but in that sweet way. I really hope he likes me, and I hope something ends up happening between us, because I think I would feel like the luckiest girl alive if it did. Yesterday this kinda annoying girl who hasnt been in school due to sick-leave for most of the year, but always used to flirt with Ben (he didn't flirt back) asked him who he was going to prom with..He pointed to me sitting behind him in class, and said Amy..I think she was a little disappointed, but maybe not I dunno. so she said her "aww"'s, and then ben looked at me with a dazed and almost lovingly peaceful smile. It was so cute. I could have melted. God I'm such a girl. Well we also got our yearbooks, having people sign it is nice but a little sad, since I know everyones leaving, even those people that ive known since first grade. People that I've probably took for granted more then once wrote the sweetest things, I'm really gonna miss some people. Some others though get a little mushy, and then its kind of like what the hell we arn't related and I'm not dying calm down. But still, I really am gonna start crying when I really have to leave everyone. I know I'm always complaining about growing up, but this is the BIG one. Graduating high school really is growing up, and it kind of makes me sad. I can't beleive my school days are almost over. All those stories that my parents have of school, that might as well be me, because its pretty close to only memories. I hope I still keep in touch with the people I really love though. I mean I like almost everyone, and for the most part I really want to see everyone again (maybe with the exception of a couple), but there are some, I'd say only really three, that I hope to have a lasting relationship with.. I mean, not counting all those people i've known since elementary school and have grown up with..I hope I know them forever but that goes without saying. I just hope that I never lose contact with Tuyen, Ben, Amanda, and Cassie. I mean, love is blind though. Just a few months ago and i wouldve said how i was trying to keep in touch with dave and lacey and seth. Don't get me wrong, they are cool people, but I don't feel like we really share that much in common with each other, and I dont have thaaat much respect for them (although I do respect them), and neither do I think they actually truly care about me.. I dunno, with T, she's our valedictorian, one of the prettiest girls in our class, sga president, going to Hopkins, everything. Although I don't feel like I can entirely relate, ever since freshmen year we've had long conversations about everything, and we have so much in common (even though it may be hard to beleive...ha.). Shes one of those people that I feel close to even if I don't talk to her everyday, because we're so similar, in ways beyond the surface (i mean, not that im ugly and stupid, just that i'm not all that she is on paper). With Ben, he probably cares for everybody in general, but he's just a great guy. who else grows out their hair senior year in high school so they can eventually donate it to chemotherapy patients? I mean who else goes sailing around in the Bahamas on a little boat (not a cruise), or doesnt have a tv, or is clever and doesnt give a shit about what t shirt he wears (not in the dirty way, most of his clothes he's gotten from volunteering and stuff), or doesnt give a crap what people think of him (yet everyone loves him)..Yeah. Ben's a special guy and I'm going to miss him tons. Aw, i'm tearing up just writing this..Cassie, I dunno. Cassie's just genuine. I mean REALLY genuine. so genuine she'll tell you she has to go because she has to take a crap, and she won't even say it for shock value or to be funny. Amanda is like my little sister. I've known her for only 3 years I think, but we've gone through so much random crap together. Yeah sometimes she's a bit of a drama queen, but she's still young and I know eventually she'll have a good head on her shoulders. It's nice that she looks up to me kind of and for the most part she'll talk to me about her problems. Shes the first person I can go to when I found out about some new awesome band, and I'll never forget the day when she broke down in the car about how much she cared about me and wanted to see me happy. I think between the four of them I have all the friends I could ever ask for. I haven't called Cass in a while, I should. But anyway, yeah. I think thats obviously what I'll miss most about high school, the people. I hope I can keep in contact with them though. I'll miss so many other people as well. It's so weird being about to graduate. I don't feel that old..THIS was my childhood..is my childhood. Forever burned into my memory. To me its one of the most important experiences in life in general, and I hope the great beyond is full of all the people I do truley care about, as well as new people I can care about just as much (and who truthfully deserve it..) God, I'm getting mushy myself.. 8:18 p.m. - 2005-05-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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