compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- \"we're in the native american history musuem, and you're taking pictures of an indian and a jew.\" So..Today was pretty cool. Went on a field trip with a bunch of eleventh graders and my 11th grade ap history teacher and ben. I went because i'm an aide, and ben went cause he asked and wanted to get out of school.ha. It was pretty fun. We strolled around, went to eat, went to the air and space museum and then went to the native american museum. for those of you who care, the native american museum was the biggest peice of shit i've seen in a long time. I mean first of all how hypocritical is it that they even have one. I mean how can you even be politically correct and historically correct when dealing with native americans. In the beauarcracy capital, you can't. The place had two levels of gift shops (lets exploit the native americans MORE and use them as an excuse to sell overpriced shit), a HUGELY overpriced cafe (i spent 8 dollars on a burger and a drink), and sparsely scattered "art" from native americans, all of which was done in the 20th century. Thats right, not a single artifact. The place was almost empty except for a few things here and there, and even so it looked like they bought it like a month ago off of some poor native american trying to make a living. It was....horrible..but almost funny that the government is trying to look diplomatic. We also noticed how Christopher Columbus has a bigger monument then PEACE. yeah. what's up with that? ha. There were quite a few things funny about DC, and us being an indian, a jew, and an american history teacher we were able to point and laugh at most of it. I dunno if ben likes me. I mean he's just a generally hard to read type of guy, but im trying to concern myself only a little with that and more of just hanging out with him and having fun or whatever. He *did* suggest a bunch of random things that we ought to do sometime together though. He was talking about PCU, some movie Lacey told me about a little while ago. I told him i never saw it but i heard of it from lacey, and he was like "we have to watch it before we go to college." hm...we? i like this...we. hahaha. man im a loser. we were also talking about the thing with the synchonicity of the wizard of oz and pink floyd, and he was like yeah we ought to try that sometime and see how it works. Again with the we ^_^ haha that made me pretty excited. I think he may have dropped it once or twice more, so yeah. Oh yeah, and then me and him lost Mr. L a bunch of times too. we were late getting on the train and nirvanas all like blah blah blah what were youuu guys doing? we really just wanted some water but didnt want to pay like 2 bucks for a bottle. but yeah..we had just gone to find a fountain. So anyway, pretty fun times goofing off in DC. Then since our second seeded girl for tennis didnt show up, jett put me in her place to play. I should have been excited, but i was kind of tired and lazy from the trip. I lost 0-6 1-6, and she wasn't even good, she was an idiot. I feel bad cause I know I could have done better, I really could have. But i've been saying that for a while, so I know what it really is, is me. I'm way to uncompetitive and lazy. Like when it was 1-5, I just was like ugh let her win so i can go rest and get something to drink. heh. yeah. I know I never live up to my potential, and what good is potential if you never reach it? you might as well have none. This is why I want to make a promise to myself to at least gradually (or not so gradually) become less lazy. In the game if i hadn't taken brief pauses, or put more of my soul into it, I wouldve kicked her butt. But, I played half assedly and slowly. Or, maybe not. Maybe I just suck. I don't think that anyone can suck at something they put their mind to though, i mean really put their mind to. I wish I had that type of passion for something. I mean, I just gotta stop making excuses and make myself have passion for something. That's my big plan. hah. I mean yeah i could say i was tired cause i was walking around in dc all day, or that i wasnt mentally prepared to play, or that i havent played in a single match all year, or that I got up at 5 30 which is way earlier for me, but i'm sure a lot of people couldve overcame all of that. i just make excuses for myself, and then I don't feel obligated to even have the slightest confidence that i could win, and then consequently I don't. I need to stop that. At least I know now, and maybe that's one step closer to fixing my little problem here. I don't really know where to start, but hopefully I'll figure it out. Mike, I know you're up there. Thank you for making me realize that every second of life is worth living. We all miss you so much. 7:27 p.m. - 2005-04-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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