compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- pulp fictionalizing hey. Yeah today was pretty awesome. I hung out with Ben, he came over and we watched Pulp Fiction and then played a little bit of guitar, and then went to ellicott city and ate at sarah and desmonds. At first i felt like it was gonna be way awkward and i kind of all of a sudden really missed seth for some reason, like i was going into uncharted territory and it may do me well to go home. "Home" in this sense would have felt like seth. But then I guess really ive kind of been evicted from that home and have been offered a new and better home for a lot less money. Metaphorically speaking i guess. Ben and I actually talked a little about homes today, and i told him that even though i don't really want to ever move out of my house it would be weird living there my whole life because i would just feel..stagnant. So anyway, i guess it's a worthy analogy. I told him about my mom and how she's a little weird when it comes to boys, like she thinks i want to marry guys that i hang out with and arn't even dating. He told me that maybe I was dating them, and it would be "kinda funny" if i was dating someone and didn't know it. Hmm.. I could take that as some sort of sign, but right now im going to choose not to analyze anything. I do like him a liiittle. But yeah right now we're hanging out as friends I think, and it ended up being fun and not nearly as awkward as I thought it was going to be. Pulp Fiction really broke the ice. haa. So then I had to create some lie to tell my mom. I toldher that I went to the library alone. Wisely enough not telling her I went with anyone because I figured by the time I got home she called everyone I knew to find out where I was, which she did. I mean it was a far shot, going to the library alone, but today was such a nice day that i figured I would do it if i had to and i didnt end up hanging out with ben. She thought I met up with one of my "secret internet friends" at the library, which is pretty fuckin lame and not something i'd do. I mean I dunno. I do feel bad about lying, and the main thing she was mad about was me not calling in advance to ask/tell her what i was doing, which is a pretty resonable thing to ask of. Its just that even when I am doing exactly what I say i will and its nothing remotely bad (like going to b&n to do my homework), she will give me grief over it. She must know every fucking detail and understand why i want to do something (doing my homework somewhere other then my home seemed foreign to her)...I guess the best solution is just to come up with my lies beforehand so i cover myself. I mean its just that I hate lying, i really do. But then again i don't want to stay in my house all day and not hang out with someone when i know i wont do anything bad, just cause of my mom's paranoia. I mean..I know I need to just tell her something before I leave, and that what I plan on doing from now on. I mean i guess i have to otherwise im gonna "get my car taken away from me" and that would suck a lot. So yeah..a lot of fun today..I'm glad im finally comfortable around ben, he seemed like more a person today. I mean..I dunno how to describe it. But it was really nice. I actually need to start creating a lie now, for tomorrow, cause im sposed to hang out with seth and i get to dress him up as a lady (long story)...yeah lemme try telling the truth about that to my mom (no..)..hmm. I hate lying, i really do. but sometimes theres nothing else i can do. meeeh. I hope we do hang out though, i haven't seen lacey cassie seth or dave in what feels like forever. 9:04 p.m. - 2005-03-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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