compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- its friday, and i fucking hate you yeah. okay. So what the fuck. Everyday its something different with seth. Every fucking day. Today he comes in the morning, sits in my car for a little bit, doesnt say much to me (just talks to dave really), then goes all of a sudden to kim's car. yeah. He was only there for a minute or so cause I saw him walk up to school a couple minutes later. Then on my way to stats i see him talking to kim. And then after school the bitch shows up from nowhere and they walk together to the parking lot and then to his car and she gets in with him and I dunno what happens. What..The...Fuck. Okay. This is really starting to piss me off. I don't want to hate her. I really don't. And I don't want to be this angry or jealous. But I also am human. I hate the fact that she acts so fucking fake to my face as if she wants to be my friend..Okay. And how she makes up stories about other girls when they don't like her to make them look like theyre just "jealous", because nobody could dislike kim without reason, that fucking angel. No..Just..No. And i fucking hate the fact that seth likes me one week and then almost doesnt talk to me, calls me his "goddess"(yeah it was a joke..but he wouldnt/shouldnt have said that to me if it didn't have an ounce of truth in it), and then the next day its back to almost completely ignoring me again. Granted I don't know what to say to him either, but this is just ridiculous. Kim is really getting on my nerves now. Maybe its just jealousy, and im fucking fine with that. Doesn't change the fact that right now I really don't like her and i really want to punch seth in the face. I wanted to tell him badly today when i saw him after school that we needed to talk, but lacey and dave were there and I dunno, I guess i didnt have the balls to say anything when they were around. And then all out of nowhere pops kim when seth is going to the parking lot. See, thats what pisses me off. I try not to be up his ass. And like every time I call him we talk and I try not to call him terribly often. Sometimes all of a sudden he'll freak out about the phone. But the phone call is the only fucking reason he chose kim in the first place, and thats what scares me. I don't want to be up his ass clinging to him all the time, but it seems thats the way kim is trying to win him over. I guess I should be doing that too? Maybe I will. I don't know how to though. I hate when people are excessively clingy to me, so i try not to be like that. But whatever. Maybe ill start that. I hate to say it, but right now I really, really, don't like her. And me and seth definettely need to talk tonight. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit, I really am. If he wants to go out with Kim, I want to be able to say, FINE..FUCK YOU, you cant have me, its over, and move on. I feel like this is all going to be one big long bumpy messy ride and if i hang on till the end I'll win out, but at the same time I don't just want to be waiting here. He has to know I have feelings too and I don't like them being jerked around by him andthe stupid overdependent bubbly girl who never shuts the fuck up. I know that it will work out, I do. But I can't sit and wait for it to happen. If its over, then I want it completely done. I never want to think about him again. Right now it just feels like he's the worst thing that has ever happend to me. I mean, in a sense, all will be well that ends well. But its just like. UGH. i hate being played around with like this. Im really starting to hate kim and im really starting to fucking hate seth. Then again things with him seem to be changing everyday. Today this, tomorrow it may be a complete turnaround, or even worse. who knows. WHO FUCKING KNOWS. 4:00 p.m. - 2005-01-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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