compie's Diaryland Diary


I will survive

yeah. so i talked to him. I guess its over. I dunno. I guess in the back of my mind i still feel that one day somethine will happen. But maybe that's only for books and movies. Maybe it's just idealism. But maybe not. But for my own sake I guess I have to keep telling myself its over. Its over. Its over. Stop trying. Stop trying. Maybe one day ill meet someone just like him, and he'll like me and things won't be so complicated and i can finally be loved by someone. He told me he likes kim more, and although he likes me, it would be "cruel" for him to "lead me on" because he likes her more, and so nothing would ever happen between us, since the time its taken to know kim is not the amount of time we have (till I graduate)..well whatever. Fuck it i guess. Maybe in 5 years when both him and I are different people we will meet up again and he'll discover what he was missing. Then again, maybe not. Who knows. I honestly still feel that there will be something one day. But I also feel that that day is very very far in the future. I don't know. But for now..It's over. Maybe things arn't meant to be between us, with who he is now. Maybe things are only meant to be as him in a different time and place. Or..I dunno. But yeah. Timing is everything. I guess not right now.

I'll have to move on. Anyone know any well read, comic book reading, cartoon network watching, pixies weezer and REM listening, red headed skinny attractive, sweet smelling, glasses wearing, drum playing, hilarious, sweet, awesome boys out there? Cause I need one..Only his name can't be Seth.

The first cut is the deepest I guess.

I don't know how he can like kim so much. It hurts. It really does. I was seriously the best thing to ever happen to him. I know people say that a lot in these situations, but we have so much more in common, we have so much more to like about one another, we would make such a great team. I hope and pray that one day he realizes that he threw away someone and something great for a nice girl, who simply just wanted a boyfriend. Simply wanted a boyfriend. Not seth. A boyfriend. Well..whatever. I am moving on. There has to be a boy out there that I can love and that will love me back. Dear God, I pray there is.

7:43 p.m. - 2005-01-07


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