compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blah blah complicated drama OIAJEROISJDOISJFOISDFJ I just wrote this long entry and now its gone. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
SO yeah. Today lacey told me a little bit about the seth and kim situation. And its just. Ugh. Really Lacey shouldn't be telling me anything, because its not her place and i'm the last person who should really know. I mean i didn't ask her what happend, just if seth was upset. But its like. Ugh. Well i mean, they are broken up, and its no ones fault, just a series of bad circumstances. But lacey gave kim some advice and I guess she's going to try it out today or something to see if it works. But ugh. Someone said today that "everywhere kim goes, theres drama." And that really seems to be the case. I won't get into exactly what happend, because its somewhat inconsequential to my feelings and as well as it wasnt lacey's thing to tell me, i wouldn't write about it here. But..UGH. Everything seems like a big shakespearean tragedy, a comedy of errors or a domino effect of bad circumstances. After talking to lace today and later seth I seriously had the urge to go shoot everyone involved in this big mess and then kill myself. Seriously. But its like..Well. Yeah. I just want things to finalize between them so everyone can move on. I mean, I wish in a sense that I could also get over seth and move on myself, but I really like him, and its different for Kim. Kim has had quite a few dramatic relationships and has ended them and made out fine, so it seems that all this crap is just played up on the stage like how it is expected and supposed to be for Kim, and that it will end and one day everyone will be happy again. Ugh. I'm also kind of sick of Lacey being involved. Like she's my friend and all, and today I probably shouldn't have told her about seth talking to me, but its like..ugh. I guess ill talk to her about it. I mean she's my friend so it sucks I can't tell her anything, but at the same time she tries to give advice and she'll probably go tell kim what seth's doing and then go tell seth that hes a jerk or something. While..all the while, its just like..ugh. i mean she may be right to some extent but at the same time she's telling people things they arn't meant to know. Like what she told me about kim and seth, its only upsetting me, and hasn't changed any situation. the way she said it i feel like im just a footnote in what's going on. If she told kim, she'd probably make her feel like crap, and make seth feel like crap, and complicate things even more. What's worse is that really Lacey has nothing to do with this situation at all. I mean we're all her friends, but at the same time so are a lot of other people, and things just seem to get more complicated everytime she steps in. And its just..ugh. I dunno. Im just sick of feeling like somehow Kim is in every way more important then me. That's how Lacey makes me feel. I dunno. I mean i keep hearing different stories from different people. According to some people in school, kim still likes her ex and her and seth never went out. according to lacey, they were going out and they really like each other. According to seth, i get no comment on kim (i can assume he likes her..anything else would probably just be denial), and he tells me that he "never stopped liking me". so yeah. and then theres the big mess thats going on between him and kim and their parents right now.. everything is just ridiculous. my brain, heart, emotions, biochemical processes, eyeballs, hearing, everything, just feels in shambles. These are the times i really wish for a service like the one offered in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I think everyone just needs to be single for a while. Seth has the best idea about that. But yeah. I don't know. Hell, i don't know how to feel anymore. I'm just really pissed off. I like seth a lot. And yeah. I just wish Kim would move on. I mean i know they had a relationship and everything, but she doesnt know how much i need this. I'm sure she likes him too but shes been in quite a few dramatic relationships and she seems to have gotten out of all of them fine. I don't know. I'm tired of feeling like a footnote. I guess only time will tell what happens. I guess in general this is more of agood sign for me then a bad one, in a way. So i guess i'm happier then i was a few weeks ago. but yeah. everything is so ridiculously complicated. 7:39 p.m. - 2005-01-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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