compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- \"i dont love anything..no not even christmas\" i love the way you tuck in your shirt... what? why? because I wanna be in your pants too. hahaha. best pick up line ever. Except the problem with it is that most guys that do tuck in their shirt are kinda corny and not someone id hit on..but one day ill be able to use that. I made it up after reading this poem called "the shirt". Its a great poem. it made me happy. Lacey liked it too. anyway. So yesterday i decided to call him to see how he was doing, and he kind of freaked out on me and told me that he felt guilty everytime he talked to me and blah blah blah. I was kind of confused because i thought we could be friends, and then he pretty much took back all the stuff he said when he freaked out and was all "no, no, we WILL talk on the phone amy. whether you like it or not." Anyway. yeah. I dunno. I guess he's right about our conversations leading back to what happened though. But i mean, i dont mind if that happens from time to time. I dunno. well we were talking about random things, and it came to the subject of this one kind of annoying girl that he once liked.. and then so yeah. actually iguess that was the perfect time to stop talking. I guess it was kind of my fault, i probably shouldnt have said that. But i didnt think it would be that big of a deal. I thought the conversation could just continue, and i was actually surprised (pleasantly) by his answer..but i dunno. i just dont want things to be weird. but i cant prevent that i guess. And i hate the fact that he's with someone else, I really do. but yeah. i dunno. i guess things will change in time. I mean either ill be over it or theyll break up and it will get less awkward or something else will happen to make things okay again. i mean..I hope. No, i know it will. but i have to keep on reassuring myself because I never have faith in anything, although I should. I read some old old journal entries today. Like from two years ago. God was I lame back then. But i guess we all were, sorta. But I was especially pathetic. So i went to panera today with my dad and stepmom. I saw breanne there and we started talking, but it was weird because in the middle of the conversation, i thought..wait..who are you? like..I dunno. She's just changed a lot. Like the way she talks, the look in her eye. I mean I could recognize her plenty, but the more she talked the more of a stranger she became. Like she wasnt really being mean or distant or anything, but it was obvious that something has changed about her. I even glanced at her nametag to make sure it was her. But her nametag said heather. I dont know any heathers that look like her, and so that was kind of weird. But at the same time I was kind of hesitant to ask her why is said heather, because I was scared that maybe it was some heather and she'd be like..uh..because thats my name. Ha. i dont know. I mean i know it was breanne. But she was so different. And her nametag said heather. So I was confused. And then there was this loud girl from some catholic school who kept on laughing like a fat man. ha. my dad and stepmom got annoyed and started making fun of her in hindi. hahaha. oh man.. anyway. So..this is kind of weird. My mom and seths mom just talked on the phone, and theyre going to midnight mass together, and so that means im going too. I don't know if seth is going..I mean i hope cause otherwise that would be even weirder..like me and my mom and seths mom..yeeah. But i dunno. Thats kind of cool. Cause i really did want to see him around christmas, back when things between us went to crap, and now i may, which is kind of cool. But it may be awkward. Christmas is only in a week. I cant beleive it. So..yeah. hm. anyway..I probably should stop getting online and using computers so much. But I don't know what else to do right now. I mean im just kind of been bored and devoid and obsessive, so it seems like the only logical thing to do. Only my computers been bitching lately. I check it for viruses and then it cleans up, and then the next time i turn on my computer there a whole nother slew of crap on it. I hate machines. I really do. So jon called solange a few days ago, and they ended up talking. Kind of weird. I just asked her how he was, and she said hes less of a party animal and plays guitar for youth group now..What the heck..I cant see that. Guitar is MY instrument. But i dunno. Maybe i should call him to see how he is, but i dont know if he'd want to talk to me. I mean I guess if he doesnt answer ill just wish him a merry christmas on his answering machine..haha. So yeah. I havent bought anyones christmas present yet. Crap. It doesnt feel like christmas time yet. I wish it did. 1103256505 - 2004-12-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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