compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- something draws near, i can feel it.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH fuuck. i just wrote this really long great entry and now its gone. it was all about, ironically. calming down. but now im mad again. anyways..im going to try to rehash it. because it was good for my sanity. my new plan is to just chill. i was talking to susan today, and she made me feel somewhat better about the situation. she said that maybe what it is, is that we're not meant to be right NOW. that maybe he needs to figure some things out first. Like with him and kim. Maybe he needs to be alone or with kim for a while, before we could actually be together. Not with kim because its kim, but wiht her because it was the person of his choice. I mean he needs to figure out himself that it was the wrong decision. And if it wasnt the wrong decision, then it means that maybe they'll be something better for me. I dont know. Although the whole "whats meant to happen will" thing kind of bothers me, susan kind of assured me that those people who do end up alone won't be me, that all i need is faith. that those that do end up alone, that it was for their own good, and that that was their desire. I dont know. I guess its somewhat idealistic. But like, I do see what she's saying. In a way, its good. Because me and seth really do need to be friends first. and the thing is that that was our intention, but then we got too attracted to each other and it become more complicated. we really do need to be friends first. so in a way this is good. this will force us to be friends and actually get to know each other. and although its weird now, i have faith that things will unweirdify themselves soon. I dunno. I'm going to just try to be casual friends with him again. back to seth just being a "cool guy" and a "nice guy". That's what i refer to him back in way earlier entries. I mean, at the same time i want to end up becoming better friends then we were before this. The whole thing puts us in an odd position. I mean, i feel like right now its especially hard to be friends, but once we get over this, it will be easy to become closer friends. I mean..I dunno. It makes sense in my head. I'd rather be his best friend then be someone he's dating that hardly knows him. I mean not that ill ever be his best friend, but you get what im saying. Yeah. I just sat here today and read journal entries back from a year ago, just to give me some perspective. And so much has changed since last year. So much has changed. I mean, from even a few months ago, so much has changed. So I mean, my point is that everything changes. And im sure this situation will too. so yeah..im trying..to just calm down. 9:54 p.m. - 2004-12-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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