compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- why bother? its gonna hurt me.. so yeah. Lately i've been trying to be proactive about this situation. I haven't called him in a few days, and i probably won't until tomorrow or maybe next monday or so. well i should probably call him by the weekend, cause otherwise im going to think about it all weekend when im sitting alone bored (at my dads...not that i dont like going to my dads, its just i hate sitting in the house all by myself on saturdays), and ill mess myself up..In my mind. ha. im like...addicted. This is stupid. I know. But yeah. I can't help it. So yeah, he was being kind of strange/awkward in school today. I saw him from pretty far away, and he turned around and stared at me, and then finally waved. I think he was waving at me. I dont know, but i decided id wave back anyway. And then after school he kind of just stared at me but wouldnt look me in the eye up close, and was just like "hello...." hm. yeah. So according to amanda, kim doesnt want to go out with him now because it will probably mean that me and her won't be able to be friends. I guess that's the best solution. Although it makes me feel selfish. Then again, I didn't ask her to make that decision. It will be a good way to end all this drama, and seth would have kind of gotten what he deserved. I mean yeah he deserves a great girl and all, but in this situation, he kind of deserves to be alone, i mean as far as me and kim go. I dont know. I don't really know whats going on in this situation. I guess ill find out eventually. okay...I know i sound stupid right now. So I have a really weird sleeping pattern now. The other day I just decided to go unconcious cause i didnt feel like being awake anymore. Sometimes I do that when im upset. Just try to sleep it off. Anyways I woke up in the morning in my jeans and my contacts and just..ick. ha. so i've been sleeping weirdly lately. yesterday I went to be around 3 30. and then i took a long nap today, and now im not tired. meh. I'm reading lolita. Its a good book, although the idea of it is a little...odd. Actually im watching the movie right now too, but im listening to weezer at the same time. cause...I don't have a long attention span. I mean i want to know what the book is about but i dont want to ruin it. So im only really half watching it. Ive also been playing more guitar lately. I don't sound half bad now. It makes me happy. I know a lot of the chords by heart, and a few songs by heart. awesome. I talked to my friend N yesterday. Ha. she's awesome. She thinks S is ugly. not that I agree, but it was kind of funny, and made me feel better in a messed up way. "He looks like a lizard! with orange hair!" hahaha. poor guy. I still think he's a looker. But it still made me laugh. I know, I'm stupid. haha. i love weezer. I know ive been saying that a lot lately. I want to get back to the Good Life. 11:27 p.m. - 2004-12-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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