compie's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

we can dance in the ashes

So, I have all these thoughts that I always think of writing in my journal. But then when I get here and stare at the big vacuous white box where I need to start typing, I forget just how to say everything the right way. The right way, being not to make myself sound too stupid or pathetic.

You know those days that you come home and look in the mirror, and you don't recognize yourself, and you don't even like what you see. That's kind of how I felt today. Nothing's changed really. Maybe just the way my hair was. But it still got me to feel like crap, because that's how vain i am I guess. Small things bug me. Small things throughout the day like being ignored by people I really like, or by being brushed off by everyone, or just by being let down (not that it was anyones fault) on some small thing make me feel like crap. And i realize how frivilous it is to be bothered by some things. But I overanalyze everything, and I can't help it anymore. I try to do the right thing but not get myself hurt, and somehow that seems to backfire. I mean, on the large scale of things, hopefully it doesnt. I don't even know.

So today in English we got these giant books about the volume and weight of two bricks. Its really going to suck having to carry it back and forth, but part of me is excited, because I am a geek and I haven't been able to read anything I seriously like in a while. Its a book of short stories and poems, and those are my favorites. I guess because I have a short attention span or something. So today I came home and read about 20 poems aloud to myself, and then read this short by Faulkner that we had to read for class. Cause..I'm just that cool.

Theres this poem that I've been thinking to write for a while but havent got around to it. I think ill just write it in here:

A Series of Cliches
Fireworks are best, she thought
lit by friends and friendly strangers
In vacant parking lots
Wake up the Neighbors
With lights and sounds of gunshots
Celebrating the day we all
Decided to hate ourselves
When everything went wrong
Fireworks go out, thats fine
We can dance in the ashes



ps- today turned out pretty good actually, despite my earlier mood.. JC waved to me after school. I dont even really talk to him that much or anything, but it made my day. and then writing that poem made me happy. And then talking to S made me happy too. so just happy all around. awesome.

6:07 p.m. - 2004-11-16

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next