compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- honestly.. so..after reading other people's journals and having quite a lot of spare time for some self reflection (more on that later..), I've realized that i haven't been entirely honest in my journal for a long time. Probably because I'm afraid of who will read it. And, I don't think i've been entirely honest with mostly everyone for a while. I have a problem communicating. I always have. So anyways. I really really really really like Seth. Okay there I said it. Last entry I just wrote about what we did, and i realized I skipped the part about how when we were slow dancing I leaned my head against him and everything was ok for once. And how when he carried me it was an unexplainable feeling of being carefree and feeling so secure at the same time. And I wanted to just say S for some reason, but i figure anyone who reads this knows who "S" is anyway, so i might as well just say it. I'm sorry this is cheesy and stupid, but i feel like I owe it to myself to be honest, at least in my journal. And honestly, senior year is really the time to start burying all hatchets and stupid grudges that you had with people in your high school life. I danced with a girl who called me a "sexy beast" (hahaha..oh man), who hated me sophomore year and pretty much chased me away from the "clique" i somewhat belonged to. But I dont care anymore, I'm glad im not part of that group now, that group doesnt even really exist now, and she's changed a bit herself I think. It's just time to stop caring and realize that you're gonna miss this time and these people in a short year or so. And Amanda, whom I got into a pretty big fight with last year (and she told a lot of people she didnt like me), told me later on that I looked nice at homecoming, and we talked a little bit, nothing serious though, but still. And then it was just like that, that I had absolutely nothing against her anymore. Now i kind of like her again. I never thought it would be that easy. But that's how things go senior year. I hope things continue like this. Last year was so intense and now i just want a bit of solutions and falling action as part of the climax that was last year. I just don't want to hate anyone anymore and i dont want anyone to hate me, because I'm really tired of that whole thing. So I had surgery on my tailbone yesterday. Well by "surgery", i mean really minor surgery, but enough to keep me out of school until Friday at the least. My tailbone has been kind of hurting a little for a little while, but night before last it hurt so much that I just couldnt help but cry, and i could barely walk and wasnt about to sit down at all. heh. So it woke up my mother and since there was nothing she could do about it she called the doctor at like 9, and we made an appointment at 11, and then I went all bummed out in my pjs (you could not get me to move enough to change with a gun to my head..thats how much it hurt..and i have a high pain tolerance.), and the doctor kept making fun of me, and explained that some people have sinuses in their tailbone, and mine got infected. So he had to do some "surgery" to cut it open and drain it. eeeeeeew. I know. It hurt so bad. My doctor asked how long has it been a problem, and i told him about three days. he says its probably been a lot longer then that, judging by the looks of it, and that i just have a high pain tolerance. So thats good i think. but thank GOD thats over. So its still draining and I have a follow up appointment tomorrow in the morning. Sigh..they may have to do major surgery to get rid of the sinus hole, but hopefully not. Hm..if I thought harder I'm sure I could think of more to say, but I'm really tired now. I didnt do anything all day even though I should have, since i had a whole free day. I just slept. Sometimes I really piss me off. Anyways, I'm tired (again..), so I'll write later. gnight. 11:06 p.m. - 2004-10-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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