compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...and it all falls down ugh. So now I feel sorry for myself again. I didn't expect this, and i thought i was past and over feeling like this. I don't know. Its just all this stupid crap going on all at once, and i haven't really done anything about it. Church people don't like me, oh well. I think about it a lot, but I havent done anything about it. Well the Jon thing too. I thought i was over it, at least relatively, but now im not so sure. I mean, there is not much i can do about any of these things, except cry. And i haven't really done that either. Which is a good thing, i think. And now this weekend is my dad's weekend. So today i was just eating, and thinking about things, and veena says something about how i put too much food in my mouth. hmm..yeah..okay?? I wasn't even really doing that..But whatever. I get comments like that from her all the time. They bother me a little bit, but. eh. She also thought that maybe i was sick, so both her and my dad kept asking if i was okay. So i thought about that, and now im thinking that maybe i am a little bit under things. I mean mentally. Maybe i am stressing about everything and holding it in and maybe it is effecting me, i don't know. So anyways, after veena comments on my eating habits, she says something to my dad, and thats about the time he explodes. I mean, yeah, she was being annoying. An analogy: Veenacountry was accused of dropping a couple bombs on a sparesly occupied area in Dadcountry, and then Dadcountry decides to nuke Veenacountry. Ha. I am dumb. But anyways, that's about what happend. He yelled at her, and then i started to cry, because it was all about *me*, and i hate that. My dad was feeling sorry for the way she has been treating me, in general. He said things like "if you can't stand the sight of my daughter eating, then maybe you should just leave." I dunno. Like, veena does get to me sometimes, my dad has a point. But this time she was being only a little annoying and then things got out of hand with him. I dunno. So i REALLY didnt want to take any sides. And i hate that this is all about me, it makes me feel like..shit. He said some other things, and although he was sticking up for me, i just couldnt take it anymore. Everything, with everyone. But mostly this. And, i don't feel like there is anyone i can talk to about everything. Like, maybe, but i don't know if it will make me feel better. I don't know if i want people to feel sorry for me or try to make me feel better or what, and i just feel crappy. I don't want to depend on anyone either. So I dunno, its hard to tell people everything, even though i probably do anyway. Like..each of my friends is cool in a different way, and i feel like i can talk to them about some things, but not everything. Every friend understands some different issue i have, and only that. haha. i dont know. its hard to explain. it doesnt matter really. thats why i have ajournal, i guess. So then anyways..veena left crying. and i felt really bad. my dad was really pissed off, and we went to see the manchurian candidate. We got a lot of popcorn and soda that we didnt really make a dent in, and then i think the popcorn (or stress) upset my stomach again. But the movie was good. So now we're home again, and veena isnt around. I don't know when or if she's coming back, and i feel bad. My dad is kind of quiet and im wondering what he's thinking about. probably veena. but i dunno. he's hard to talk to anyways, but i don't think i'd know what to say even if he wasnt. so yeah. ugh. 8:48 p.m. - 2004-07-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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