compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- jesus loves me hey..Does anyone know what song ends (or almost ends in) "i will make you bleed.."? Because i have that stuck in my head, that one line, and i have no idea where its from, but i know i've heard it in some song somewhere. So..recently ive been in lots of strange moods. I had a nice long heart to heart talk with S (lets just call her "s"), the "other girl". It turns out that she's pretty cool, and we may hang out sometime. How is that for some irony, worthy of good literature, almost. She suggested some songs that kind of fit the Jon situation, and we talked about other stuff too. So then that night I was really bummed out about the whole jon situation. Like..I dunno. I knew he was just taking advantage of me. He tried to kiss her too, but she told him that she doesnt kiss players..hahaha. I kind of expected something like that anyway, but it kind of bummed me out that he was trying the same tricks with both of us. Only it was working with me and not really with her. If i was in her shoes, honestly i'd react the same way she is. The only reason i have such a strong attraction to him was because of who he was last year, and how close we were at one time. Which is something that i can never, even if i tried, forget about. So then the next day, speak of the devil. 9 30 AM he calls. oh, great, hi. He was going to try to come over, and i said that that was cool. Then, he pulled over and told me that he 'needed to talk to me', and told me that he didnt want to just make out with me anymore, because he didnt want to use me like that. He said that he was planning to just come over, make out with me, and then leave. THAT would have REALLY pissed me off. So, i'm glad he respects me enough to not do that. And after that conversation with S, I was a lot more apprehensive and less willing to just throw my heart to the wind of nostalgia. hahaha. okay that sounds really gay, sorry. I also found out through one of his friends that he does that quite often, or used to..Being go to some girls house, make out with her, and then just leave. But anyways, we talked about how much he has changed, and he said he knows, and that he's going to try to return to how he used to be soon, because this whole thing will become really destructive soon enough. I was glad he finally figured it out, but he hasnt really changed yet. So, i don't know if he's just saying that so S and I will let our gaurds down, especially S. I dunno. I guess we'll see. But anyways, he was going to come, and i got directions, but he ended up going northeast instead of southwest, and couldnt really turn around. Oh well, so i guess we'll hang out (as friends) sometime later. Hopefully during this summer. The whole thing bums me out a little bit, but at least I made a new friend and Jon respects both of us. Jon also told me that he's not going to try anything with either of us, me or S, because he doesnt want to be a "player" anymore, and that would just be wrong. I think he's starting to realize the problems with trying to play smart girls. hahaha. But anyways, yeah. The thing that makes me the most sad about everything is remembering how he used to be, and how i really wish i could have that back. Maybe i will sometime. Maybe I won't. And i think i also worry myself because I am so paranoid about people. But i have to learn to trust, so right now I'm just going to try to leave that situation alone. So today was nice because it took my mind off that whole situation. That all was yesterday, and the day before. Today my friend TJ called and we talked for a while, and i played the piano and guitar for him. And played some video games. Ah, I kind of miss playing video games. haha. And then I hung out with cassie and lacey. Finally, for the first time since before the retreat. On the way to cassie's on frederick road, lacey saw a couple boys walking, and she was all like "look at those hotties, lets say hi". So, we rolled down the windows and shes like--wait..hahaha. It was Chris, and this other guy i vaguely know. hahaha, that was pretty cool. I remembered when i used to like him, and remembered that I miss him, a little bit. Well, as much as I miss anyone i was casual friends with and don't see anymore. then at cassies, we played pool. And seth called us, and sang meee "when a man loves a woman" in his lovely strained voice. hahaha. it was awesome. Oh, and I won at our little three-way pool game. Although, it was kind of a fluke. But maybe not really. I still won fair and square. Oh, and the white ball said "elephant balls" on it. hahaha. that cracked me up. It was awesome. I like this new song by some guy. It goes something like "i don't need to be anything for anyone but me"..or something like that..who is that by? anyways, yeah. 9:43 p.m. - 2004-07-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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