compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- praying to porcelain in baltimore. meeeehh. today was a bad day. fuck. well work was ok. Well not really it kinda sucked. but its work, so i guess thats expected. turns out we actually DO have to clean toilets. but not yet thankfully cause of course its new and theyre not fully open yet. but ugh. that just fuckin sucks. what pisses me off are the racial ratios..like okay..cashiers, all girls from what i know. i'd say 90% are white. Cleaning girls...90% are minorities. Dishwashing boys..90% minorities. Bakery Kids...80% whites. they put most of the white kids in the front of the store so its more "aesthetically pleasing" i guess and most minorities get to do all the dirty work. I feel like theres some sort of heirarchy, and im some stuggling immigrant cleaning lady and most of the other minorites are like..house slaves. haha. i dunno. maybe im too racially sensitive. maybe theres nothing like that going on. but still. i feel bad that their first impression of me was that i'd be good at cleaning toilets. Which kind of pisses me off. I dunno. Ill make the best of it and then ask them to move me somewhere else after working in my dept. for a little while. And then near the end of the day i had these weird cuts and holes in my skin from all the chemicals and shit. and i had to work with the "vile girl" all day cause the other two girls took morning shift. arrgh. hahaha. i was like..i have ulcers on my hands. and the girl is like..shouldnt you already have that by playing guitar? WOW. just....yeah. people now apparently get ulcers on their hands from playing guitar guys, remember that. haha. i guess i should stop hating on her so much. sure she's ugly, and annoying, but in work she's ok cause there isnt too much time for her to talk (and none of her annoying friends to talk to), and she wears more clothes so shes less ugly. plus shes not the meanest person ever or anything. she just gets on my nerves. yeah. so now what makes today even shittier is that when i come home and i get on buddypic and i get some bp from some guy saying im cute..blah blah blah. so i bp him back telling him he's good lookin too (haha) and we start iming each other. he lives in towson so he goes to the recher a lot, and somehow we figured out that we both know ethan. He was on the phone with him as i was talking to him. so i told him to tell ethan i said hi. Then the boy blocked me. And yeah. that felt shitty. so i got on my other sn and i was like..hah. thanks. so he told me that ethan told him too cause he "doesnt like me too much" and that ethan told him that i'd get on another sn and im him back anyway. Well at least he's being honest. we talked a little bit after that, but that whole thing just kind of shitted on everything and now i feel crappy. That really makes me sad. Like, the fact that ethan hates me, one. He's usually nice to me and he can get on my nerves sometimes, but it usually doesnt matter. i used to not like him, but then lately when ive seen him i've been pretty nice to him, and he's been alright too. im guessing that either he doesnt like me because of his shitty friends, or because of the fact that i hate the whole lets-go-and-get-trashed-and-then-brag-about-it-later-because-we-are-so-cool bullshit. i don't know. two, the fact that ethan knows this guy and now he doenst like me too much either. i mean he was nice even after the whole thing and told me the truth, but ethan has been nice too. so yeah. he hates me now too, i mean he did block me. I just hate the fact that my little liason had to be ruined by someone shitty whom i was glad to be away from in the summer anyways. It makes me feel like i can't escape this town. My entire day just makes me feel like i should just leave baltimore, cause it sucks here. it just makes me want to cry. 11:39 p.m. - 2004-07-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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