compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hugs for everyone I hate school more then one can imagine. its boring, monotonous, and always succeeds in making me feel like shit. The cliques that form, the pretty people that i dont look like, the superficiality of almost everyone, regardless how great they seem at sfirst. Then, of course, to come home to a loser mother who sits on her ass and does nothing but somehow cant respect or acknowledge the fact that I have to go to school, therefore i know people and am involved in things, therefore i have to think the whole day, and come home and do work. Yesterday she bitched at me because i was in the car reading this side of paradise, as oposed to the bible. Well, even when i do read the bible or pray or anything, im definettely not going to do it around her. She makes everything seemed too contrived. I dont think she even really knows how to speak in tongues or any of that crap. I mean she just pretends to, she ends up fooling herself. And she sincerely thinks that anyone who doesnt agree with what she's been taught is listening to "the devil" yeah well I assume most of you assholes think thats really funny, but try dealing with that on a daily basis. Then she gets on my computer without asking or telling me later that she used it. Well, this would be fine and all if she really knew how to operate computers, if she wasnt such a fucking snoop, if she could leave things the way they were when she's done using them, and if she hadnt broken my computer before. Only after i asked her did she reluctantly admit that she used it, but then went on as to how she's the mother, and how everything in this house is hers. yeah. It really gives me a headache to talk about, because she acts like a god damned child sometimes. and shes so hard headed it really makes me just want to leave. Now, about the snooping. its not that i have anything on my computer of particularly criminal suspect, just the fact that she would use ANYTHING in order to suspend the many "priviledges" i have. Say, if she found a picture of a boy on my computer. Say one of my friends. She wouldnt accuse me at first, but when an argument comes up, she will bring up the "fact" that i have had numerous "boyfriends" and therefore ive been lying to her, therefore i cant go on walks with my friends now. Or something. Well she hasnt done that yet, thank god, but its definettely a plausable hypothetical situation. Anyways, besides that problem at home, theres always school. The classes and teachers are only half the problem, its mainly the students. The only classes and teachers that really suck are ap calc, physics, and CIP. Well cip and our cip teacher are mainly an insult to my intelligence. On the other hand, its not really that the people are particularly mean, just that theyre all boring, superficial, and cliquey. I mean, there are few exceptions, but not as many as one might think. Maybe the problem is also that it makes me feel pretty bad about myself too. I mean everyones driving and having parties and being pretty and popular and im sitting on my ass and typing this. Yeah. I suck. Im frustrated about this, too. I mean id LIKE to start driving, but my mom just sits on her ass and never takes me. When she does she acts like im about to crash the car the whole time, so it definettely never makes it easing at all. And i feel so god awful little. I hate that. a couple people did grow over the summer, or at least look like juniors in some way, but not me, of course. Today amanda had this thing where she hugged 5 people, and they got a clothespin that said "hug". Of course it circulated to almost everyone I know and never reached me. That was slightly irking only because amandas my best friend. hm. theres a lot more i could say about todat, but its too much to type, and it depresses me more and for more reasons then you think. 3:06 p.m. - 2003-09-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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