compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- schoolness oh geez. School. Today was the second day. Today was ok in comparison to yesterday. Yesterday, the first day, was terrible. One of the worst days of my life. I'd like to think that ive changed a little, or at least have some good experiences under my belt, but no one else has changed at all. It feels more like a continuation of all the shit from last year, minus the easier classes and better teachers. Well, cept mr koller. hes cool. and mr lagon seems alright, too. the rest, well. suck. And i miss mr. daudelin. yeah. i know i sound like a loser. anyways.. Its just also real weird being a junior. i dont feel like a junior. hell, i dont even look like a junior. I barely look like a freshman. Hopefully ill grow. But even if i do (which i will..i better)..i still wont feel very old. I mean when the hell did things get to hyperactive? what, like 5 years ago all that was expected of me was to be a kid and play nicely with my friends. Now whats expected of me is to take 3 college courses and do well in them, to actually look my age, to act like im 20, to drive, to have a boyfriend, to do drugs, and im sure i can think of more if you give me the time. Well. I dunno. It just feels like at 16 im supposed to be done. As in, done growing up. But im not. I dont think i ever will be. And its really scary to think one day i will.. ugh. first day sucked. the a lunch is overcrowded both days. And of course all my friends act extra cliquey so i dont even bother asking to sit with them. I really hate that.."OH we're punks, we accept everyone..except..well..everyone who doesnt dress like us and listen to good charolette" and then theres the kids who get straight as and make fun of everyone. I mean..theyre nice to me..sometimes. They think that i think (too many thinks) im part of their group, so that act like its some charity if theyre nice to me, but of course im never invited to their cynical than thou parties. Not that i care..i have better things to do then make a party out of a study group. Id rather kill myself. Oh, yeah, then i realized my ti83 which i just got last year was all messed up. That sucked. But...We had a waranty on it and theyre gonna replace it for me. You dont know how releived that makes me. I was planning to buy another one with my money cause i felt whatever happend to it was my fault (which i guess it is), but its nice that i wont have to. really nice. I dont feel as guilty now. anyways. English this year seems like its going to be boring. And, it takes a lot for me to think that english will be boring. I guess im just getting down from mr daudelins class. He made it really fun and now our new teacher seems pretty personality-less and boring. I wrote the most bs diagnostic essay for that class. Freshmen and soph year i had the best diagnostic essays in the class. haha. this year mines probably gonna be the worst. I mean, that sucks. first day and im already strung out. who the hell knows how im gonna handle this all year. well..i know this sounds all uncharacteristic of me and corny..but the only thing keeping me sane right now is beleiving in God and praying. I mean, you all know im not a bible humper..But I do beleive now, and im glad i do. I dont know where the line is between rationality and faith, between secularism and spirituality, but hopefully ill be ok where i am now. I dont want to become like my mom (fundamentalist christian) or like hitler (fundamentalist darwinist..sorta)..but not exactly in the middle either (opportunist). so, what the hell. I dont know. I guess i can still be me and have that appear somewhere on the spectrum of two destructive extremes. anyways..why are we made to grow up so fast these days? it really makes me sad..and kind of scared. 10:49 p.m. - 2003-08-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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