compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- days swiftly come and go wow, i havent updated this thing in a while. Actually, no, it hasnt been that long. But, spring break came and went, along with this week. And..man oh man. well, spring break was a nice..break..from everything. I saw brandon a couple times too, so that was pretty nice. The first time was when jessica and i went to ellicott city, and we ran into him, so jessica invited him to eat with us at sorrentos. And, we mostly talked about politics. Jessica thinks he likes me cause he only really talked to me the whole time, but im pretty sure thats just cause he hates jessica. hahaha. And then, on the last day of break, I snuck out with amanda and brandon and he drove us to ellicott city, and we went around to see that most stores were closed, gave up and then just sat with brandon in this coffee shop and talked. Now sometimes he IM's me first, and i saw him in school the other day and he said hi to me :D. hahaha. im such a dork. I feel kind of bad though cause i gave him a retarded wave, and then yesterday i was at their house for a couple seconds, and i didnt say anything to him. I just get too nervous and afraid that ill say something dumb..heh. i suck. But its nice to really really like someone. Its kind of weird, i dont really remember how or when i decided that i liked him, but it was when i hardly knew him. And now that i actually know him better I like him so much now. When i saw him at school, he came in lunch and i was sitting with shawn and alicia. All brandon said was like..whats up or something..and shawn keeps on harrassing me and asking me if thats my boyfriend..hahaha. It was kind of nice though, thinking about the small possiblity of it ever happening. haha. Then i told shawn that thats the guy i like, and hes all "WHY?" and "I thought youd have higher standards!". I told him it was because brandon is smart, I mean, along with a slew of other things, along with some things unexplainable. But..yeah..Shawns just kind of shallow, and he doesnt really see past..anything. I guess it was kind of flattering that he thought my "standards would be higher", because I think Brandon is a pretty hard thing to be. I mean, to be that talented and smart and nice and funny and..now ill shut up cause im sure im annoying who ever is reading this. Well..on to worse things..Like, parents. Yesterday my mom dragged me to this play her church was having (and i took amanda too), it was about a bunch of people who stand at the gate of heaven, and either jesus or the devil came out and take them. The overall message of the play was that as long as you accept christ and ask him to forgive you of all of your sins, you will go to heaven. And..I dunno. After the play they asked us to come up and get some pamphlet and be "saved". My mom dragged me up there, and yelled at amanda for not wanting to go up saying that she wasnt saved and shell be going to hell. See, amandas christian. Thats what i hate about my mother. Shes so fucking self righteous, and so is her church. At one point the devil comes out and he says "I am the god allah, and i am hareh-krishna!" and blah blah blah. I really dont think thats true. If god is just a spirit, what makes the fact that christians beleive he is one whole spirit named god, and not allah? why cant it be interpreted the many sides of god as many gods? As long as you beleive in a god, and it motivates to you be a good person, you will go to heaven. Why would god send gandhi to hell and send..some corrupt christian to heaven..I mean. Yeah. I just hate intolerance like that. That teaches hate, to say that anyone who believes differently from you is going to hell. And my mom tries to shove it down my throat. Even amanda was uncomfortable. I really dont want to end up like my mom. And then what made me REALLY angry was when we went in the car, and she asked amanda something about her friends being christian and amanda answered that all her friends were "saved" except for one and she has problems. And my mom is all thinking shes talking about me and my moms like "yeah, she does, blah blah blah". My mother knows nothing of my problems. I mean, I dont have any physical problems..im just a little..depressed i guess. But she doesnt know that, so wtf was she talking about? Amanda wasnt even talking about me. Ugh. Then theres veena. We went over my dad's friend's house, and the guy offered me a little wine. My dad said it was okay, so i had a little, and she got furious and told me she was going to "disown me" just like "my mother" supposedly does. It pissed me off more the reason she said i couldnt have any, which was because im "not responsible enough" since i never had a job. she wont let me work at my dads office because she thinks that no ones first job is with their family or friend or something. Thats bullshit. I dont know what shes trying to pull, but im tired of just being treated as a human being she needs to sustain rather then a person with thoughts and feelings. Shes probably still mad at me. Fuck her. Oh yeah. I suck at tennis. I think im getting better though. Edna says that my main problem is my shortness. haha. well, actually, think shes right, cause, sometimes i need to back up and hit the ball, and sometimes my backhands are like..2 inches under the net. Yeah. I guess i can improve those things though. Im planning to get some practice in between seasons, I asked some players if we can get together in the summer and play. hehe. I love my tennis team. Theyre all so awesome. Well except for our dumbass manager jermaihai or whatever his name is. Yesterday my mom picked me up early from the match so we could go to the dumbass play, and i was so pissed i didnt really want to say bye to anyone. But, they saw me leave at the top of the hill, and jett screamed "bye amy!", and i waved back, and a bunch of them waved. Haha. I know that sounds pretty dumb. I guess it felt better then it reads. Oh well. So does everything, i guess. 10:11 a.m. - 2003-04-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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