compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- if you really want to hear about it.. hm..lets start with yesterday. I kind of starved myself and deprived myself of sleep when i came home because my dad was supposed to take me and i wanted to sleep early because today was picture day. So, finally my dad came and we went to Sorrentos. I don't really know why i wanted to go there. I knew, as always, id see someone i knew there. I hate that. When you see someone you know somewhere. Even if its someone you like, you say hi to them and then you ignore each other the rest of the time youre there. Or at least you try to. I was tired as hell and hungry as fuck and it took them about an hour to get our food out. i saw Diana. Diana. I was just looking around the place, and all of a sudden I hear "AMY!" as if i was some fucking celebrity or something. "HI!". Yeah hi. Shutup. She was there with her dad and her little brother and her stepmom. Her stepmom was kind of scary. She kept staring at me and she was wearing a business suit with fishnets. Now, thats all fine and dandy if youre, say, 15 or named Lacey, but not when yer like..30. Plus i think she hated me or something. Maybe for not saying hi to her stepdaughter in the same enthusiastic way. I dont know about Diana. I guess shed be alright if she didnt try to hit on Matt to make me feel like shit and if she was a good person. Honestly, I always wanted to be part of that white american family. The middle child with a mother and father and siblings that i like. Well, even if the parents are divorced and the mother is some knd of evil prostitute. still. Now, half my friends are white, so they probably dont understand this. Theres just something different about being a minority, even though it doesnt REALLY matter. Its just your skin color. But it ends up changing your culture and your parents and a lot of things. Parents always want you to be like a lot of the other asian kids, getting straight A's and going to some ivy league school and being pretty snotty. Thats not how i am though. Or how interracial relationships are looked down upon. People can say that they're not, but they really are. It sucks. It really does. People think that theyre not racsist when they really are. People think that I should be some smart kid with no life who studies all the time, because im asian. Thats so fucking stupid. I can't even begin to describe how shitty that is. Maybe if people were actually people more often, instead of being white, black, asian, mexican, whatever, maybe then it wouldnt matter. But it does. Anyways, thinking about all this got me feeling pretty depressed. I mean theres Diana. Stupid evil bitch pretending to be my friend, when she really feels sorry for me because she thinks im not as pretty or great as her or something. With her happy white family and little brother. She shaves her back, by the way. shh. anyways. To today. Finally, the first english class since last friday. Schoolwise, I liveonly for the english class. haha. everything else is just time waiting for english class again. That probably sounds a little sad, but it's the only class i actually like. And Mr. Daudelin is the only teacher that i really like this year too. I mean, i dont really hate any of my teachers this year or anything, just dont particularly like most of them that much. Theyre all pretty nice and all, its just that I'm either just another student in the class, or that they plain suck. You have to have a certain respect for teachers though, i mean they get paid shit so they obviously chose their job for the actual JOB and not the money. And all they want to do is educate us kids. All the while there are always a couple kids that hate them with a passion, if it not being everyone in the class. I dunno. I have a sort of empathy for teachers. Plus, some of them are really cool and then you never forget them. I mean, im no great student or anything, but there are just some awesome teachers. Take my english teacher in 8th grade, ms madrid. When my labret peircing got stuck she was ready to drive me to a peircing place and assume my gaurdian, but she had to check in some student-teacher relations guideline book thing and it turned out that it would be illegal to take a student anywhere that was not school related. Or, when she was going to take helki and i to the anti-flag concert, but at the last minute had to chaperone some dance thing. But i mean, its the thought that counts. She was definetely awesome. Its teacher that are people, that you never forget. hell, its people that are people that you never forget. Its pretty rare you know. People. Real people. not punks or preps of gangster gs or whatever they like to call themselves. People. Speaking of people, i talked to matt today. Yeah i talk to him everyday. And yeah half the time i dont know if i love him or hate him. But none the less a nice long talk was pretty nice. It was pretty funny. He kind of came and sat with me in the middle of history, and we talked about everything. And i got back at him and the male population. I started talking about how hot elijah wood is. Partly cause, well, he is, and partly because i wanted to make him feel bad since hes done that with me many many times. He was all, "I though II was the only person you thought was hot!". He was just kidding, but you could tell it got to him. fuckin great. I love revenge. Then he started going on about how didnt even know if he was hot or not and didnt care. haha. Hes such a dork but its great. But yeah. I have no idea what happend the last half hour in history class. I think everybody heard our conversation. I mean. We didnt shut up. Amanda asked him if he liked me, and i think he said no. But you know he does. I mean, after all, who would tell someone who you hardly talk to who you like? no one. Unless you're like that. Matt isnt. I dont know, see, the thing about matt is that hes actually a person, thats the best part about him. Sometimes hes a dork, but hes still a person. And he hates what i hate about some people too. You can't blame a person for not knowing how to say what they feel. I mean, i dont know myself, and what that is is a talent of english. Hes better at math. I have a 4 day weekend ahead of me. And im so happy. I need it, i swear i do. Ive worn myself thin, honestly. I dont eat as much as id like, and i dont sleep as much either. Im always doing homework when im the hungriest, so i never get to eat then. And everytime i try to sleep, i think about it too much and get no sleep every night. Every night. I sleep sometimes, but its a crappy light sleep. I wake up, and i just feel--not particularly sleepy. I dont feel awake, just not about ready to collapse like to i when i first attempted to goto bed. man. So now im sick. I should have seen it coming. My head hurts and i have a sore throat. It feels like my head is bleeding or something. I mean i can smell and taste the blood. Must be that hemorrage Yuki told me about. 7:07 p.m. - 2002-10-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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