compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- another tired attempt do you know what the most depressing thing in the world is? seeing things as how they really are. I mean..really are. Like, your house as a big wooden box. Your tv/computer/cdplayer as a big chunk of plastic..but more importantly your books as only thin sheets of paper and ink. I dont know. I guess not many out there would know what im talking about with books unless you read. But for some reason it really depresses me. It makes me feel like i have nothing to live for. I mean, not materialistically. You know, sometimes you can get away from everything by listening to music or by reading a book. But, have you ever thought then, that the book was only a block or wood, or the cd or whatever was only a peice of plastic? i mean, when i feel shitty all im doing is staring at some pages with ink on them about some made up characters, or listening to something on plastic made by other people. I hope i get over this feeling. I dont know why lately ive been so fuckin strung out. I'm..just..i dont know. Frustrated with a lot of things. One thing i've noticed about people, is, that they dont care about what you have to say. Theyre all just waiting for their chance to talk. And i try not to do that. I try to listen. But it just makes me feel shittier when no one does that to me. Its just, argh. I don't know. People misunderstand you and then never let you explain yourself. Or people think they know you and they dont. Or people restrain themselves from showing that they like you because of some preconceived notion that they dont want to jeopardize their own individuality *cough*matt*cough* I dont know if i really like anyone at the moment. What makes me feel a little cheated, is how most everyone i know can start a relationship in, say, a week. And maybe thats not such a good thing. But i mean its a hellof a lot better then waiting about a year or longer until anything actually happens. I say, just let it happen. But most people arnt into that. They all just want to make a bunch of stupid fake moves so they can have thier little empty satisfaction. Well, maybe its not empty to them. Maybe they havent even thought about how empty it is. I dont know.. I joined the Creative Writing club today. All my friends are making fun of me and telling me how stupid i was for joining such a club or whatever, but i really dont give a damn. What does make me feel shitty though, is that all my friends are in one club and im in another. Theyre all going to go on without me, not even notice that im not there. But I'm taking creative writing because our shitty school doesnt offer it as a class, and because i want to. I don't see whats so wrong in that. Today, for example, lacey didnt show up to health first period. Shawn asked where she was. I bet no one would have asked anyone where i was if i was absent. And Kelli is all telling me about some guy who proclaimed his love to her or something. I mean, i like kelli, i really do, but i write her this long note about how crappy i feel and she tells me about how crappy she feels cause some guy told her that he likes her..She read my note, and it didn't seem to effect her in the slightest. She just asked "who is veena?" because i mentioned her when i told her about the vacation i went on. oh..im not sure if i ever wrote about the vacation. Last weekend, veena and my dad and wendy and i all went to north carolina. We drove but it wasnt too bad. it was really nice down there. warmer, cleaner, more peacful. Too many spiders though, but anyways..we drove on the beach and saw some wild horses and...beached animals. haha. it was good times, though. Then on monday of course i had school again. You'd think that id be in a better mood, but really i felt just as bad before leaving cause now i was pissed that i was back and had to go to school. Health class was..interesting today though. we got these mood-dot thingies that told us how stressed we were and we meditated. I kept my "biodot" on all day, and found i was most relaxed in the car on the way home, and supposedly least relaxed in english class. But i think that was because the english classroom is by far the coldest room i have on a days. damn. Its eleven and im really sleepy. Im sure this entry, along with everything else i say, will have no effect on anyone, so this was a pretty useless waste of my time. Baaah. I should start being less..i dont know.. 10:31 p.m. - 2002-09-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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