compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- so versatile.. Fuck everyone. You know sometimes when your'e incredibly and indescribably pissed off, and you snap on the inside. But you learn not to tell anyone cause no one would understand. Today was shit. So was yesterday. I hate school. Some of my "friends" are such assholes sometimes. I found this out last year, but i am rediscovering it more and more everyday in school. And then theres always that one person, when you look at them, they intensify all your feelings into something else. Its not because you hate them. Its because you like them so much. Only one person that can turn your hurt anger into horrible sadness. And that sucks. Yesterday Wendy, Jessica, and I had to take the bus to Woodlawn. We all turned around for the buses, and when i turned back around Wendy wasnt there. I started looking for Wendy, and Jessica, of course is kind of staring blankly at something. Anyways, we start looking for Wendy for about 10 minutes and couldn't find her, so we thought she was on a bus. I see this bus that i thought could be the woodlawn bus, and i start walking to it as it starts to pull out. I quicken my pace to the bus door, and knock on it to ask which bus is the woodlawn bus. Unsuspectedly, the fat ugly whore woman bus driver who is too much of a shithead to get a real job starts yelling at me to "never do that again!" and so on and so forth. Her blithering arms are reverberating with the sound of her voice, and i stammered in confusion at her accusations..I still don't see what was so morally horrible with knocking on the door when the bus tires have rolled about 10 feet..Anyways, Jessica pulled through. We found Aaron (lacey's brother) and he took us home. Hes not so bad, wendy doesnt like him for some reason. Well wendy doesnt like many people, but.. Anyways, i was a little pissed off at wendy for just leaving us there. I called my stepmom and told her to pick wendy up at woodlawn cause she was supposed to pick all three of us up. I mean, both jessica and i showed enough consideration to look for wendy and make sure she got picked up, and she didnt have enough to look for us before she left. well after a while i called wendy back and listened to what she had to say. I can see why wendy left without us, if we were on the bus and she wasnt because she was looking for us, she would have had a harder time getting a ride home because she doesnt know many people and doesnt know my dads number. well, anyways, to today. Im tired as fuck, i have a test tomorrow that is going to sabotage my history grade..I was in a pissed off mood since the morning. Just fucking angry. But anyways, in environmental science Soraya was like "yeah i saw you yesterday hanging on the bus and our bus driver was yelling at you! and you deserved it! she said you were a 'stupid, stupid girl'". Yeah. This pissed me off. I see how it may be funny that i was running after the bus, but she was depicting me as some sort of incompetant child ignorant of how things SHOULD be done. I even asked her what right she had to yell at me, what did i do that is so wrong. She avoided the question. Obviously she didn't know. I also hate it when adults dont like me. She was a fucking low-life busdriver anyway..What a stupid ugly bitch. Soraya told alicia and some other people, and they all thought it was hilarious but none of them could answer why what i did was so wrong. They just kept on mocking me. Including wendy. And it was her fucking fault that happend to me in the first place. I dont know why this made me so angry..I felt like breaking something. I saw Chris Keen on my way to my next class though. That made my day. Even though my day wasnt made..I heard ambrose behind me while going to the same class, and on the staircase i saw matt. We were walking in opposite ways and there was a jam in the traffic so we seemed to be looking at each other for forever. I could see his quivering lip and his imperceptible nod, the way we kind of always have greeted each other in the hallway..But i couldnt smile. My anger turned to tears. I dont know how i looked to him, i probably looked like i wanted to murder him or something.. During lunch, this asshole freshmen was sitting at our table. The table next to matt's. I sat down hoping my friends would come soon but they didnt, one of her little friends came. They just stared blanly and emptily and me and i cowered at them and slammed my shit on the table next to it.. I think matt saw me. at least he knew that i was just in a general bad mood. Tuyen and Wendy asked me what was wrong when they all finnally came to sit down, but i dont really know what it is. It wasnt just what happened today. I was mad at my mom for always going to church and leaving me home. Not that i really care cause either way i get along fine. I was mad at veena for always inadvertantly making me feel like shit. I was mad at my friends for not caring and i was mad at myself for letting so many people take advantage of me. 3:59 p.m. - 2002-09-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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