compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- frustrations. God my mom is so fucking stupid. Its, what, 12 o clock at night. Which isnt late at all. Anything after 1 is "late"..12 would be late if i was 8 years old or if i had something important to do tomorrow, but i don't, so thats stupid. I was shutting down my computer to go to sleep, and it was accidentaly set to restart, so when it restarted it beeped and my mom demanded what i was doing. I said i was doing nothing, which i wasnt. Wtf am i supposed to say i was about to reshut down my compter? That im breathing? What the fuck is wrong with her..Then she wouldnt shut up she goes on and on and on about what i do "from morning to night". Well i stay in my room to avoid her. Im either out or in my room. Because my mom is so fucking annoying and stupid i really don't want to deal with her so i don't come out of my room unless it has to do with going to the bathroom or eating something. God i really really really need to get out of this house. I hate her. For a little while we were getting along, and i was worried that i was changing into someone more like her or something, but, generally, everything was pleasant. Of course i realize that this isnt true, that she just had a phase of sanity which at this time has worn itself out. Shes so fucking stupid. There arnt any words to describe my frustration. She was all "from now on lights out at 10." HAAAA. Uhm...howabout..no because i don't need a "lights out", "bed time", or anything other bullshit..especially at 10 o clock. Thats fucking insane and not even worth trying to obey. Shes such a fucking shit head. So she comes in my room and turns my light off. As if it wasnt possible for me to turn it back on again. She got out of bed and charged and my door trying to stike me, but i caught her hand before she could and i could see the madness in her eyes through the dark. I was more frustrated then mad. She doesnt listen to anything and she gets mad over the stupidest things. OOO...12 o clock. No reason to get up early tomorrow..so...wtf why shoul di go to bed. I was planning to anyway god. Shes such a fucking bitch. She acts like im 10 years old and she treats me like im 9. Like she wont let me go out if she knew what i was going to be doing. No, thesethings don't involve doing drugs or having sex or any other things normal parents would be worried about. These involve crossing streets or walking long distances. Its like..god..give me a fucking break. In some ways shes better then veena though. Like when she lets me get online without giving me shit. Veena is into "communication". My mother is stupid and just sits around listening to jesus music and thumping the bible, going to church, that shes too busy with anything else. Its not like her companys particularly enjoyable anymore because everything about her is tainted and manipulated into something godly. This isnt the peacfull religous type either..it's the militant hypocritical republican type. And it fucking pisses me off. I wish my mother could be like she was a long time ago. I got my schedule for next year today. I wanted art but of course, no. They gave me music tech 1 again. What idiots I've already had that class. I hate my school so much. Im seriously thinking of asking to transfer out. I think my dad would let me too. Our school is so fucking anti-art. I hate it. Only 1 art teacher and 2 art classes. Now thats sad. I hate school with a passion. The general stupent body pisses me off. The girlie painted plastered balloon boobed girls and the poser/pervert/rascist dumbass boys, they all piss me off. And i never want to go back. Not like its any better here or there or anywhere with my mom and veena and the most people at western. God why does everything have to suck so much? I listened to my bettys love child cd today. It was like reuniting with an old best friend and picking up right were you left off. Ironically, i actually *listened* to the whole cd and each and every song is beautiful. Ha that sounds cheesy. But, really, everyone should listen to them. Too bad no one knows who they are. Well except for yuki and mike. Theyre the only 2 people that could possibly be reading this who know who they are. Another thing about school, I've realized that it isnt just be and my possible anti-socialness that i dislike the student body. I mean, the kids i met at the graphic arts thing were all awesome. I wish it was for longer so i could have gotten to know them all more. As far as i know, they were all interesting characters. Noah was awesome. Like how he knew every disney script? Infuckincredible. And i love people who don't care what people think. You have to have a pretty big amount of dignity to love disney that much. He wants to work at disney when he gets older. He goes to carver for theatre. Figures, huh? And that guy mike was hilarious. He had a shirt on that was a parody of the sopranos but it said "the smurfs". That guy mike was really nice and funny too. Alex was a little annoying but damn cool for a 7th grader. And, sadly, i forget the name of that cute kid who threw paper and held the door for me, but he was really nice. Poor guy was tryin to quit chain smoking. Aw man. There are NO interesting people at western. I mean of course my friends are interesting, but when i speak of western i mean the student body in general. I hope next year i meet someone interesting. Another thing is, as tuyen pointed out, the older kids, like the juniors and seniors, arnt that bad. Theyre all pretty nice and way cooler then the freshmen and sophs (who are nor sophs and juniors)...its just..god. Im getting ready for a huge let down this year. Maybe something will happen...and some of it will look good close up. But when its all done, like a bad peice of art that consumed too much time, ill stand back and just see an uninteresting ugly image, of just how shitty this years going to be. Of course nothing is that great here in the house either. My stupid mother with her overprotectiveness and idiocracy, and veena with her overbearing and obvious disdain for me, and her overcontrolling..ness. God...my mom just came in and was all "give me a hug. I love you" haa..she acts like we're a fucking full house episode sometimes. I mean maybe if any of it was genuine it would be another story..but the way she does it is so fake and it disgusts me. Ugh. I hate this. I talked to mike yesterday. I was so happy to finally talk to him in the first time in a month. Mike is the coolest person i know, and i feel like a loser cause i just know him online..but, I've known him online for about 2 or 3 years now..thats so weird. Anyways, talking to mike always makes me happier. Hes the only person I've known that I've never had a different opinion then..i mean of course theres differences in preferences of music and movies and things..and hes still probably a lot cooler then me, and definettly a lot more talented then me. Such a good writer. But as far as it is with how i feel about posers, about high school, about people in general, and some other things, we have the same opinion. Im sure a couple of times its differed due to circumstances. Like, for example, he doesnt have the same parental problems, but he still listens and at least tries to understand, which is a hell of a lot. Mikes just cool. I don't know about my mom anymore..sometimes id like to be nicer to her and give her a chance, but whenever i try that it backfires eventually. Whenever i return her niceness, she babys me. Then she just overprotects me more. Everything always seems like a lose lose situation nowadays. Argh. I hate school. I hate home. Er..homes...including my dads at times. I just wish i had my childhood back. Or that i was somebody else. I need a break. Alright. Time for an 8 hour break that i call sleep. Maybe it will make things better for the time being. I just feel like watching all my favorite old disney movies back to back with stand by me and the wonder years with all my friends and just taking full advantage of the summer while its still here. I havent even processed the fact that ill be in school in a month because realizing that fact would probably kill me. Well ill post this monsta on diaryland next time i get online..soo..till then. Gnight. 2:12 a.m. - 2002-08-8 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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