compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- another day stuck in the rain god..everything fucking sucks. i want to get away from here. its not so bad *here*...actually..i guess. im sitting in a room alone in jessicas and i can hear them all downstairs laughing and talking..god. i woke up today and jessica called me and asked me if i wanted to hang out. i wanted to get out of the house to avoid my mother so i said yes..and we walked to subway. at first i asked my mom if i could go with jessica to subway, and she threw a shitfit because i "have to cross a major road" hah. stupid bitch thats why we have CROSSWALKS. anyways..it was sweltering today, but we went..it was pretty good to get out of the house but we didnt really conversate too much. sara was with us so it wasnt like we could seriously discuss anything. then i get home and they hang out there with me for a littlewhile..and then we want to go to the pool but it starts raining..so then they ask me if i can come over their house..so i ask my mom if she can drop us. this is about when she decided to be a stupid fucking bitch and probably the first time any of my friends have seen my mom act the irrational shit that she is. She started yelling at me telling me how i cant roam around and then come home and get online..well i dont see why not. If i cant sleep i cant sleep. what the fuck does she want me to do about it. I think im in the early staged of insomnia because i stay up really late and wake up relativly early and i cant go back to sleep. Well i dont see the point in changing my habits now..its summer. its time for me to be able to do shit like that. its not like im hurting anyone. shes convinced that i "talk" to people online. Yeah. I talk to people from school and a couple people not...Only a few of the people im clos with online i dont know in real life. who cares anyway..its not like im in love with any of them..not like that anyway. but shes such a fucking idiot. i cant tell her the truth about anything because even if it is reasonable shell draw some irrational conclusion from it and try to find a reason to crucify me. god. I want to talk to someone who'll listen. Someone who understands. but there is no one. In the end im all alone. as always. Everyones happpier then me. I mean, you know im fucked up when the most tragic stories i can draw from something that i wish i had. you know im fucked when i wish i was a tragedy, because at least the life lived or something was something to lose. i....have nothing to lose. absolutely nothing. well, no..im sure i have something to loose. But if you compar myself to all of my friends, id rather be any of them. Any of them but me..this fucking sucks. I mean all my firends are too busy for me. busy with thier better lives. god. i just want to die. anyways. My mom makes this huge fuckig scene telling me how i cant do anything if i "continue like this" and how shes going to kick me out. so i tell her fine..well walk to jessicas...so i just walk out. and now im here. 6:53 p.m. - 2002-06-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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