compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- valentines day... Im jus sittin here eating candied hearts and listening to fiona apple. Ugh. I've decided that valentines day officialy sucks, and it will only get worse every year form now when all my friends start finding people and ill be left alone; once again. I was on edge the rest of the day after lunch. Kerry was talking about Dave. Dave liking her, blah blah blah. I wasnt really irked then, just about half an hour afterward. I dont think its really jealousy, because i dont really know dave. More like...I dunno. Just sad that i dont have anyone, and she does. not that im not happy for her and whatnot. Theyre not going out or anything, she just likes him and he told her she likes her. Wendy's got 2 admirers...patrick and matt. boy are those boys annoying. And alicia has a bunch of people liking her im sure. Im just...the freak. The one that everyone turns on when things go wrong, and the one who no one really likes when it comes down to it. I came home and i felt like crying. I got an email from mike, which made me cry. Not that there was anything hurtful in the letter, just...He has someone. Maybe i still like him. I hope not. I really dont know whats wrong with me. Frued was right about the mind like an iceburg thing. This is all subconcious shit. If i read this not feeling the way i do i would think i was being irrational. I dont know what it is. I just feel bad. Im not really good at anything. And even if i am people always have to be better. No one thinks im good at anything either, especially at being pretty. Argh. Here i am whining and angela's dad is dying. I feel so bad for her. Not really sympathy, because shes not pathetic. More like...I dunno. I just wouldnt know what to do if that happend to my dad. I feel like a bitch for worrying and crying about things that are so trivial compared to life and death. Then again, i say to myself that all i need is love. And i dont have any. I suck. And i can't write well either. All i can say to sum up my feelings is "i suck." and thats how it always is. I'm no good with words. Someone always has to point out what im bad at. everyday. i should write something happy in this thing one day. 4:09 p.m. - 2002-02-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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