compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- all i want is to feel this way.. well, actually, i dont really, because theres nothing special about this feeling. i just have that song stuck in my head. haha, i got your hopes up didnt i? you were getting ready to read an exciting and juicy journal entry, but i threw you off. its depressing and boring as usual. sorry about that. Ugh, the dreaded valentines day. I really hate valentines day. last year i cried. Im such a fucking pussy. I mean, its not like ive ever HAD anything with ANYONE on valentines day, or any other day for that matter, so its not like i really know what im missing or anything. But..eh. yeah. Amanda is grounded for something until sunday. Jessica is grounded until god knows when. Jessicas mom is so..uugh. she grounded her for doing a project at the last minute. that is the dumbest reason ive heard anyone getting punished for. I mean, she did it and turned it in on time. its really none of her mothers business, the girl is almost 17 and in high school. I really hate it when parents are like that. Who knows what amanda is grounded for. probably something equally dumb. Jessica called me today, and her mom caught her. Poor Jess. I feel bad now. Hm. well..I saw brandon yesterday. That made the rest of yesterday and today livable for me. haha. im such a dumbass. Ive never talked to him and seeing him from about a mile away can make me happy. I keep on thinking that maybe hell ask about me or something and find out that im an artist too and maybe hell hear from others that im someone that he might like. And maybe..hm..yeah. ive been thinking "16 candles" too much. Maybe amanda told him something about me? probably not. Lately ive been feeling distanced from some of my friends. Its really hard to explain, but i just feel like some of them dont know me as much as they think they do. or maybe they know me too well, which would make me equally as uncomfortable. I dont know. I talked to Amanda Davis today. This girl in some of my classes (not amanda finnigan, whos my friend and brandons little sister..hm..i ought to make a cast page). She has the perfect body and a really really pretty face, shes pretty smart (well shes in a lot of my classes and shes also pretty good in english) and goes out with all the seniors at our school. Shes nice though, i guess. i mean i try to find things wrong with her so i can feel better about myself, but it never works. Well anyways, i talked to her today, and her out of everyone i know was the only person who made me feel slightly better. She said that im pretty and i have personality. hahaha. she was probably just being congenial. But, yeah, anyways. I finally figured out why i hate matt so much when i was talking to her. I didnt really realize it until i said it..i just told her that when im mean to matt im really thinking *damn you for making me like you so long for no reason* hahaha. Which is it exactly. I feel like he wasted my time into thinking that there could be some chance for us, when really there never was because the guy is practically impotent. and..yeah. thats the best i can do in explaining myself in that situation. I wonder who reads this..hm. what else..I am debating whether to sign up for ap/gt history or honors. the problem with ap/gt hist is that ill have to have it every day, so ill have to do homework for that class..everyday. Which sucks because i heard we have to read 20 pages from the book every night. I dont know if i have the motivation for that. But if i drop down to Honors, my only gt class would be english. Thats hanging by a string. I mean english is the only class i actually like, but id like to take the hardest classes availible. I mean..I dont know. The other good thing about honors is that i have a more flexible schedule. I guess ill ask someone whos in it now.. Hm. This weekend my moms dragging me to a baby shower. How exciting. A bunch of 40/50-something hardcore christians, a pregnant lady, and my mom. I bet theyll all drag me to church halfway through, too. Okay, well, so this is my plan for valentines day: Feel sorry for myself, watch romeo and juliet and possibly little nemo, fantasize about Brandon calling me and asking me out, try to make myself feel better by not eating (cause thats what i usually do) or by eating a lot (cause maybe thatll reverse my habit and make me gain weight), and then go to sleep. Oh yes. I can see its shaping up to be great. Well, happy Valentines Day everyone. Now i must go and "drive the china bus" ("throw up" in mr.daudelin-speak). 5:54 p.m. - 2003-02-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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