compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- writing things that people won't understand. hey. Blah. I feel bored. I mean, Sometimes its good to bored and not hounded by work. But i just feel crappy. I made amanda a mix tape today. Its mostly things i know she'll like (punk stuff) and some things i put on just cause i like em (pixies, the velvet underground, modest mouse). Yeah. Its also my hope that brandon will listen to it and like it and in turn like me. hahaha. yeah. THATS not happening. I don't have a graphing calculator anymore. Nathan (my cousins boyfriend, he let me borrow his) needs it for stats or something. and its his, so im not about to complain or anything about him taking it. But yeah, it just sucks cause now i need to get a calculator really soon. Hopefully tomorrow will be a snowday. Then ill hang out with amanda and i can give her the tape i made (appropriately entitled "THE mix tape"). Yep. Right now amanda is probably the only person i really talk to. I mean, sara is cool, but i hardly talk to her. Same with cassie. I dont talk to alicia when we're not in school. Jessica is too busy being a slave to talk to me. Everyone else just kind of depresses me. I mean, the other day Kerry said that im spoiled. Yeah. Yeah i "do have a lot of nice things", as Lacey said, but i dont "get whatever i want" like Kerry said. I mean. I do have a lot of THINGS. Theyre just things though. Its not like i can talk to them. Its so boring being the only child. Theres really no one like me i can relate to. I mean, family-speaking. You dont really necessarily relate to your siblings, but i mean, you talk to them. And I NEVER, and i repeat NEVER get what i want when it comes to romance. I mean, i never have. Kerry has her nick now. And she has a best friend. Best friends, even. She has sisters that like her and people that she can talk to. Thats what really bothered me when she said i was spoiled. I mean, I guess you cant call having a nice life like kerry has "spoiled" cause thats not really what it is. But if anyone is, then its her. I mean. she has everything going for her. And it just makes me slightly angry that everyone thinks i have it so easy. I mean. Im not some poor little rich kid. We arnt rich. I have a lot of things that i got for christmas, my birthday, etc from years ago. Theyre all just not broken yet or anything. Those things never make anyone happy. I mean. Maybe they do for a little while, but not really. I buy things i want with my own money anyway. What im trying to say is..The things i REALLY want i NEVER get. Brandon is online a lot, but he just has everyone blocked besides the one person hes talking to at the moment or something. I was talking to amanda and asked her to ask him if he blocked me. He said he didnt but he was talking about "the war" with someone so he didnt want me to bother him. I know i shouldnt take it personally because he blocked everyone, and he was having some great conversation and all, but..It makes me feel bad. God im a pussy. I finished this book sarina told me to read, sloppy firsts. It was pretty good, i guess. The main character was a cross between Holden Caulfeild, Sam from sixteen candles, and some corny 16 year old girl. i mean, there were some moments of pure genius in that book. Some parts were just corny as hell though. It was pretty good though. If youre a girl (cause it was one of the girly books), i suggest reading it. I went to amanda's on friday. They have a nice house. I mean. its really small, but everyone fits and gets along nicely. Its not like the brady bunch or anything, but its nice to see everyone kind of getting along and being happy. I mean, im sure theyre not HAPPY, but it seems that theyre not living in a hellhole. Jessicas can be a hellhole sometimes. No offense to her or anything. Its just chaotic there. At Amandas everyones quiet. But things are going on inside thier heads. I mean theres brandon the artist and megan the singer and amanda the soontobemusician. So. yeah. Nevermind. I cant really get what i want to across. 10:05 pm - 2-9-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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