compie's Diaryland Diary

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home

yeah.

well that shit didn't work out.

I'm tired of long narratives. I think I'm just going to start writing about how i feel.

yeah. lets talk about FEELINGS.

fuckkkkkk.

i really dislike this girl. she is innocuous, but mostly because she is stupid. and she is trying to turn into an activist, because of him. It's the lamest thing I've seen in a while.

after 3 am all i think about is this stupid situation and all of its entanglements.

I have a midterm tomorrow. I don't really know how to study for it. It's mostly essays. i should just readmy notes.

i haven't missed a single lecture.
I want straight A's. is that possible?

look at me. i'm up at 3. I'm listening to Sun Kil Moon. And all i can think of is that stupid boy and his stupid girl

he had some sort of breakdown or some personal shit happen, now he's at home for a while. he said he's "laying low". I hope that girl can get a mind of her own and go back to her sorority friends so i don't have to see her invade my world of good people who actually know what theyre talking about.

i don't care if i'm an elitist.

I need to just accept reality. But sometimes its so absurd that its hard. It's really hard sometimes.

its hard to know that people think my best friend is a stalker, when she just wants to try to set things straight. it's hard to accept that he'd rather be with a stupid girl then with me, even though he says hes starting to like me again, even though he loves everything I have to say and is completely down with my cause.

I mean, at this point I don't want him. The situation is too stupid at this point.

But it still sucks. i can't get myself away from it.

why do we always need fixations? Why do I need a fixation? why can't i nest inside of myself? why do we need homes and possessions? why is our own bodies not enough for us?

sometimes i wish i was a snail. A snail with not that soft of an interior.

i dunno.

we all have a tiny flame in us. We must do all that is in our power to not let it go out. It gets larger when we are in love. But don't let love fuck with it. It has the danger of going out when things go wrong with love. But don't let it. Gaurd this little fire with everything in your being.

this little light of miiine..

I'm gonna let it shiiine..

sometimes i like the idea of going crazy. not for any reason in particular. not for a boy. or a girl. although people are part of the issue. they shouldn't be.

i've got to protect my flame better.

why do some people feel like home and others don't? no matter how hard you try...

iwish my home was a place of rest rather then a prison.

my concept of home is very abstract. sometimes i feel like other people's homes are my home
maybe from some unconcious idea?

i don't know why. it could be a prison to them.

I want wood floors. i want carpeting. if no one loves me i want a home. I will have people over for parties, but know that no one will stay over night.

no one will walk me home.

when I was little I used to play with my shadow in the playground. I called her my best friend for a while. I told my mother and she yelled at me.

3:48 a.m. - 2007-02-28

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