compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- stuff and the like. man this week was cerrrazy. My clean room is now one big giant mess again. I feel so bombarded and busy, but now at least I feel like I can take it all on and eventually finish everything I'm set to do, if I try. But yeah. So, tennis season started. I'm a little sore. Not so much now, but I haven't ran since friday, and yesterday I was still limping a little bit. I'm not TOO sore though, I mean I've been worse, and its probably really good for me because otherwise I do next to nothing, and I don't want to atrophy. Yeah. I gotta stop doing nothing when tennis season is over. Hopefully I'll be better this year. I mean I already am a little better then last year, and as long as I don't take it too seriously I can improve on that. My problem is that..I either overrun the ball or underrun it and miss it. haha. yeeah. My problem is that I miss. Anyway, enough about all that. On tuesday we had the science expo. It was pretty cool actually. Seth and Dave found me so I walked around with them most of the time, seth was wearing a fake mustache and a trenchcoat and hat. hahaha. what a cool guy. Anyway, so they set off rockets and stuff. and it was good. So on friday I went to the play in full production, sat with Megan's parents (man im so cool) and stuff. I gave Ben my extra ticket since Nikki couldn't show up, so he sat with me and we hung out during intermission and stuff. I hope I'm not leading him on or anything. I mean I don't think that I am, he's just a really cool guy and he's really funny, but I don't like him like *that*, although I almost think I should (but I don't for some reason)..I dunno. So afterwards part of the cast and crew and me and ben went to eat. Seth and kim sat next to each other, which is to be expected and all. They were kind of touchy with each other, but when seth saw me kind of eyeing thier hands together, he would pull away from her, and then she would get upset. hmm..Yeah I dunno. I'm at the point that it does bother me, but I mean I guess its expected and I'm just like..whatever. I mean it does bother me a bit though, but theres nothing I can do about it and they are "going out" so of course theyre going to be holding hands and stuff. I just..I dunno. She's kind of a...moron. Maybe she means well (im not entirely sure she does but i'll give her the benefit of the doubt), but she just does really moronic things (refer to previous entries), and then I become the "bad person" because I am "just jealous". Yes, I'm sure part of the reason I don't like her is jealousy, but that's not the only thing. Anyway, so seth was turned to us most of the time at dinner and was talking to me and dave and lacey. It was decidedly fun though going with all of them, because jason was hilarious (he was my favorite character in the play), and so was dave, and the other dave, and it wasn't like seth was ignoring me or anything. I think Lacey's mad at me though, except I don't really know for what. I guess its because I told her that even though it was wrong of the teachers to give Kim the bad night and not change it when she had other plans, it was because the other girl was better at the role (which she was, but they were both good), and I mean it sucks but its not like theyre going to change it at the last minute just because Kim is kim. I mean it seems that the girl gets away with a lot because shes "poor little innocent victimized kim". Which she isn't really, she just acts that way. I mean..I dunno. Like, I heard that last year at this party she got so drunk she was throwing up most of the time, and then she tells lacey she was "hiding" in the bathroom the whole night. Which may have been some of the truth, but she left out why she was "hiding". So it makes her out to be this poor victimized person again. Okay, so if she was hiding, then why make others beleive she was "so drunk she was throwing up". She probably told some people that just to be part of the "cool" crowd. I mean there are other instances of this, it just kinda bothers me a little. I mean I don't know what happend exactly since I wasn't there, but with her theres always two stories; one she tells the "cool" kids, and another she tells lacey and seth and them. Whichever one's a lie, its still stupid. About that whole business with her ex boyfriend, I heard her telling lace that she never broke up with him perse because he was "scary". I mean but if he was so scary, why was she with him for like a year? It's not like he ever beat her or anything, and I know people who are friends with him and they seem perfectly sane. Anyway, I probably shouldn't talk about her in here. So I think lacey may be mad at me because I'm not showing as much sympathy for kim as I "should", or something. It really isnt that I would dislike the girl if she would stop trying to screw me over (not just with seth, but with my friends and telling them things that I "did", that i never did.) and would stop being such a ditz. But whatever, I guess. I'm starting to feel kind of guilty for not likeliking ben. I mean he's smart (I always say I like smart guys)...really smart, and really cool and really funny. So that's like..everything I like. But I dunno. haha. maybe its the facial hair. I just find it hard to relate to him completely. I mean, I dunno. He doesn't seem like the type that cares much about girls at this point in his life, which I respect. I just hope I'm not leading him on by going to the play with him, and then with cassie telling him to ask me to prom and stuff (which I had NO part in..)..So I dunno. But I do like him as a friend a lot, he's really cool. I don't think he likes me like that, and hopefully he knows that I like him as a friend and hopefully he thinks I'm cool too. But..I dunno. I just hope i'm not making him think that I likelike him. hah. I mean I guess it won't matter too much cause theres like three months left of school (EEK), so i'm trying not to think about it too much. So yeah. and theres this seth thing. I don't know what that it. I mean yeah, we're friends. But we end up flirting a lot, and its not the same as it is with lacey and other girls. I mean maybe it is, maybe it's all in my head. I don't know. I'm glad he's happy now because he has a girlfriend, but..shes..kinda moronic. I mean I guess he likes her so that doesn't apply. I mean I don't know. It's hard not to think about how things would have been had he "chosen" me. It was so close. I dunno. Its sort of like...almost winning the olympics and then not by some stupid mistake, and then the guy who wins becomes really famous and everytime you turn on your tv he's there and no one remembers you were even in the running. And then the guy tries to take your friends because he's popular now, and then when you don't like him because of that your friends tell you its just cause you're "jealous". hahaha. well maybe not exactly like that, but you know what I mean. I wouldve been so happy. But I'm not exactly totally unhappy now, and I give myself credit for that. Senior year is definettely the best year i've had (so far at least) in high school. People that I used to have problems with I don't anymore, for the most part. I mean I don't know if they like me, but they talk to me more and theyre nicer to me, and I don't really have anything against most of them like I used to. I mean I used to have a problem with a lot of them because they did drugs and crap, but now i'm sort of over that. I mean they can do what they want, whatever. They're still cool as people, for the most part. So I feel a lot better this year then I did last year about things like that. I mean there are a couple people I dislike, but now I feel like I could tell them to their face and it wouldn't really matter. I mean everyone dislikes some people, I don't take it too personally if they don't like me either. I don't really care. But for the most part I'm cool with almost everyone (or at least anyone I care to like and respect a little), and theres not too much bs going around (except for kim, but she's an isolated case). I know I'll miss a lot of these kids, even a lot I never thought I would at one point. So yeah. A lot of people grow up by senior year. I really will miss most of them. 10:37 a.m. - 2005-03-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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