compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- \"as you wish\" ugh. ok. so now im really pissed off. I called seth today, pretty much hoping/expecting that he wouldn't be home, so then he could just hopefully call me back tomorrow when he was free. That way, i wouldnt call him at a bad time tomorrow and he has the option somewhat of calling me back. So yeah. I called and he's at the mall with Lacey and Dave. So it kind of pisses me off that they didnt even ask if i wanted to come. Especially since lace and i discussed this yesterday, about how im worried ill lose them all as friends because of seth. I told her that although it may be weird, i'd still like to hang out with them, and it wont be that bad if its not just like me and seth. and yeah i may be the fifth wheel if its seth and kim, and that would be heartbreaking to watch, but i mean its still better then not having any friends or sitting at home alone. She told me that that wouldnt happen, that she'd ask me if i wanted to hang out but would understand if i said no right now. But yeah. None of them even called me today. And its not like i have a lot of people that i hang out with. Theyre pretty much it. And like i said, although its weird now, i dont want to lose seth as a friend. And like how lacey doesnt really want me to hate kim. Well, theyre really all inviting that feeling if theyre going to ditch me because of this whole situation. Its hard enough having to deal with this whole seth thing, and i don't want to lose my friends too. I mean, i dunno. maybe it was just this once. maybe it won't always happen like this. But still. It just upsets me that i asked lace to hang out this weekend, told her how bored i was going to be because i was supposed to go to my dads (that fell through..but ive still be kind of bored), and she tells me that she'll invite me out and all..but then..she doesnt. I mean..even if kim went. yeah that would be awkward. but he made his decision. im not like a threat or anything. and yeah that would be painful, but the least she could do is ask. I feel like crap enough. And now i feel like my friends are ditching me? great. ugh. maybe i should get out of this fucking state for college. off this planet would be even nicer. Lunar University. Its just..life is so fucked up. people are so fucked up. how could seth, a nice guy, do this? Yes...breaking some hearts in your life is inevitable. It's inevitable in anyone's life. But not the way he did it. You don't tell someone you like them and pursue them until they give in and really like you, and then at that moment, when they think its the start of something great, just take their heart and shit on it and then rip it to peices and throw it in the air like confetti. It's just not something good people do. I mean, seth is still a good person. That's why the world is so fucked up. And this is not my fault at all, so why do i feel like im losing my friends? How can i not feel any hatred to kim when i feel, at least as of right now, that she not only took seth away from me, but she's about to take my friends away as well? I mean she's an okay person outside of all this crap, but i mean. theres really only so much a person can take. And im getting really angry. on the upside, i finally saw The Princess Bride today. It made me happy for like..5 minutes. but five minutes is all i can hope for these days. 9:51 p.m. - 2004-12-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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