compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- this is beginning to hurt ok. so its turned into one big conspiracy. And im really confused as to why theres a big conspiracy surrounding ME. a wallflower. someone who just sits and watches and rarely participates in school drama. every boy i've liked or that has liked me as of recent has not gone to our school, or at least doesnt anymore. My dislike for my peers is a general thing and not towards anyone specific, nor have i gotten in any fights with anyone recently either, so i dont see why this is needed. but anyways, dave made a so then today jessica calls me all crying telling me what a bad day she'd had, but i was on the phone with someone else and told her i would call her as soon as i was done, which i di as soon as i was done because i was worried. Then she was all happy as though nothing was wrong, and told me that basically someone imed her anonymously telling her that she was ugly and all this crap. Similar to what happend to me but different things said. She said one of sarahs friends came over and that made her feel better. Anyways, i told her about daves website and she couldnt give less of a damn. she was holding her own hilllarrious conversation and basically ignoring me, which really pissed me off. Because i cared when she was feeling shitty, and she was either too stupid or inconsiderate to either grasp or realize that she should maybe care a little. So that really pissed me off. And i told her so, and so since she can never stand up for ehrself or say she's sorry, she just hung up and let her little sisters friend insult me under jessicas screenname. oohh, ouch. a friend of someone i hate insults me. It just bothers me that jessica cant do anything for herself. So this time, when she comes back with her lousy apology, she'll just have to stick it up her ass. I know that sounds really immature, but im through with having to deal with her being too incompetant to be a good friend. So anyways, all that aside, today was alright. I went to the mall with amanda and megan, and i bought brandon a yankees cap that costed me almost 30 bucks (jesuchristo!), and i traded in jessica's dogma dvd that i already have for this really cool spike jonze anthology, with all his music videos, some of his short films, and some documentaries. It has sabotage on it, which is enough for me. After this, we went to see Peter Pan. I've been waiting to see it for forever, and it didnt let me down. It was very very good and made me feel nostalgic and sad. As lame as this sounds, right now i wish i was in neverland. Haha. not in micheal jacksons neverland or anything. the real one without any really scary rapists or anything. But yeah. Right now i really hate people. Except for megan and amanda and possibly the rest of their family. And by the way what the hell happend to randhal? everytime i call no one answers or she never returns my call, and she wasnt in church last sunday OR on christmas. Oh yeah, christmas. haha. We went to one of my mom's friend's friends house. Everyone there except me, my mom, and my mom's friend were old. They were nice though. And it was interesting because the woman who owned the house had two paintings of her grandparent inlaws on the wall, and they dated back to the frickin revolutionary era or something. Her son though was very weird. I think he was slightly mental. haha. he was nice and all and made us listen to his poetry after we ate a huge meal, which wasnt bad. Both his poetry and the dinnner. Well the dinner was better but yeah. He had a weird accent and would talk to you with his head down looking straight at you, which tends to make a person nervous. Then before i left he wished me much luck in my future and blah blah and that when i come back to see them (as if im going to anytime soon) i should bring "someone" (Alluding to a boyfriend). He also told me that he's never been married and never had sex. I hope that is the LAST time I ever hear about a 56 year olds love life, or lack thereof. EVER. scarred for life. Well they did let me drink wine, and my mom had some too. I was surprised because usually shes way against that and hasnt drank in like 10 years or something. It was strong wine. We were all slightly tipsy, afterwards we went to my moms friends place, and her brother played the guitar while we al played scrabble and sucked at it. Then we went to church. Church on christmas sucked because they sang NO christmas songs except one, and our pastor preached about the end of the world and dying rather then christ and his birth, which kind of intentionally ruined christmas for no reason. I mean but other then that it was alright. My center of gravity kept shifting when i was standing because i guess i was still a little tipsy, or maybe it was just because i was tired. That made it kind of fun, involuntarily rocking back and forth or whatever. So yeah. That was my christmas. And i really dont like these people who waste their time hating me. Honestly, i dont hate sarah. I dont like her because she attacks me for no reason. But if i told her that, it would make me a "loser" instead of the bigger person. Oh yeah, and she also said i was "cocky" and think im "really pretty". when the hell have i ever came across like this? Yeah. Plus there are like some other people that apparently hate me enough to make a website or im me anonymously because they are cowards. I find this whole situation kind of funny because i have no idea why people are picking on me. ahaha. I knowthat sounds stupid. But im like pretty much the quieter one with no identity because i have no clique, so no one really takes the time to know me. Not only that, but who do i hang out with out of school besides a few people that are more mature then that. Basically, im a background person to everyone. So why are people taking the time to hate me? its ironic really. and dumb. But i really wish i wasnt here because of it, because its really starting to make me angry. We arnt even in school either. This is VACATION. a BREAK from petty school assholes. Why dont they give it a rest. Amanda saw jesse today at the mall. I didnt see him though. She said he was looking at me and he looked like he felt a little bad that i didnt say hi to him. I mean, he probably didnt, but i feel bad none the less. I really miss jesse. I wish we would talk on the phone until 3 in the morning like we used to, or hang out or something, when he was girlfriendless. Not that i have anything against his current girlfriend. But he could just be my friend then and it was nice. Now he's got his popular friends and popular girlfriend so i dont matter anymore. Well, I wish we were still friends because he was pretty cool, and i miss being friends with guys in general because they arnt as bitchy as girls (well except for dave apparently). I mean theres brandon and nick and all but brandons in college and nicks in pennsylvania, so yeah. Well brandons back now but it would be weird if we hung out because im more friends with amanda. But yeah. But amanda isnt bitchy. And niether is megan. So i wouldnt choose brandon over them anyway. But yeah. I just miss boys sometimes. So yeah. Its really shitty that people have to ruin my break. But, it still beats the hell out of school because at least i dont have to SEE the assholes. And i can escape. With other people. Because i really DO have other friends, contrary to popular beleif. phew. ok im done. Im gonna go watch my new dvd and get ready for bed. Good night and fuck you. 11:37 p.m. - 2003-12-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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