compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm just mad about Safron, Safron's mad about me.. eergh. How come nothings ever simple. Out comes doubts, and problems, and shits. My mother is so damn problematic its crazy. Today, thursday, she goes to church. I didnt want to go because amanda invited me to teen night at the pool, but i knew if i asked it wouldve been a definite no plus being forced to go to church, which is never enjoyable. Amanda came over and was still here when my mom left. Amanda and i then proceeded to have a spiritual discussion, which made me feel a little better about my beleifs..then I ironed on these cool patches that say "group of one" haha. its pretty nifty. Its like, amanda, megan, and me. Just the fact that none of us fit into those stupid cliques at our school. Anyways.. Then tory and sarah (jessicas little siblings) some banging on my door and scared the shit out of Amanda and me, who were seriously about to call the cops..anyways..they came over then we went to the pool (if tory was over for any longer he may have destroyed something..although hes a better kid then i thought..) but yeah, so we went to the pool, i had some pizza, brian (no last name for obvious reasons and previous experience) was drunk and high among other things, came in in his pickup and was driving up the hill where there was no road, came in and sluridly cursed at the adults around, and was escorted out by his dad. that was the highlight of the night. haha, yeah. Then my mom picked me up and started yelling at me because i left some lights on in the house before i left, so now apparently i cant have any friends over, because of a godamn couple of lights. Thats so stupid. I mean i could understand if something was BROKEN. but the lights were on. she said that reflected amandas and my "irresponsibility"..as if she hasnt left on lights before. WTF. I hate that. Because i left some lights on doesnt mean im "irresponsible". I dont even do anything that bad and i get in so much trouble for shit. its such bullshit. My mom makes me so mad, every fucking thing becomes an issue with her. Yesterday my dad and veena took me out to dinner, and we met up with veenas cousin and some hot indian guy (haha..he was like 21 or something though) for dinner..and then i came home at about 10 and my moms all yelling at me saying i should have called her. I was with my DAD and VEENA. why the hell should i call her. like half the time she doesnt care and then half the time she gets really pissed. It just seems like there has to be some excuse every week to yell at me for something. It really pisses me off. Where as other kids are getting in trouble for drinking, or drugs, or sex..i get in trouble for leaving some fuck damn lights on. That really pisses me off. I mean how boring can my mother make my life, that i get in trouble for some LIGHTS. hm. yeah. so that sucks. Like, i can have my friends, and no stress, and everything ive wanted, but then theres my mom who seems to ruin that all somehow. I mean i know shes trying to protect me and all, but theres times when you need to let your kid live. Give them a break. Maybe, if they do something like leave the lights on, point it out to them, but dont make that grounds for them losing some of their "priviledges". its so stupid. arrgh..i have all these notes and crap to do for school..I dont really mind them, except for the fact that i HAVE to take AP calc cause our school is shit and doesnt offer honors this yr, so thats going to be really really hard. Plus i really dont like most of the people in my classes. i mean..I guess i shouldnt name names, theres this certain group i used to hang out with, and i think its a combination of both of us changing..but its just..i cant even tolerate them anymore. All they do is cheat to get really good grades (mostly As if not striaght As), then they go insulting and talking about others behind their backs, without even getting a chance to know any of them. For that reason a lot of people dont like them. Especially the few people i happen to like. And then, there are other kids who are just so self absorbed and shallow that i cant stand them, girls and guys. The girls, all they do is act dumb and wear tight clothes and talk about penis lengths and who they had sex with the other night, while the guys..who knows what they talk about..But you can spot the dumb ones..and even though half of them arnt even attractive a lot of girls like them. Well whatever. Its just shitty, and im hating returning to that for another year. Anyways..Enough about school.. ..Jon called yesterday. Yeah. We had a nice conversation i guess. I really like him..its just..strange. He himself said he can be shallow at times. well, i guess everyone can. I know i can sometimes. But i think he meant it..like..he can be shallow a lot. I dont know why i care because i know him enough to say that he actually is an interesting person..its just. blah. i dont know. It just feels weird because that must mean hes physically attracted to me as much as if not more then mentally..And thats just weird because i never thought i had quite much physicallity to offer. Hes coming back to Penn. in a couple days (hes still in FA now), but he says hell probably have to talk to me less then because his mother doesnt want him to get "too attatched" to me. So, he said hed have to call at "odd hours"..argh. He didnt really seem to care allll that much. I mean maybe im being to possessive or something. I dont know. poop. So i guess we're still stuck in that whole "friends who like each other but cant exactly be completely together because of distance, and parents" haha. and ultimate differences. Sometimes, i really admire him for his differences from me. A lot of my opposite qualities are probably stereotypically way better then mine. Alas, tis so. So, i like him, but i dont really feel like ive found someone who i can relate to. I still feel like a desolate island. Well, maybe im supposed to. I really dont know. Maybe its all in my head, and if i quit being so cynical and paranoid about relationships, then ill be okay.. ill be okay.. 12:21 a.m. - 2003-08-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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