compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- look at all you've derived just by being alive hey..wow. its been a long time since ive written anything. I guess not SO long in time, but pretty long in consideration of events. oh gosh. Am i even motivated enough to recap everything? be prepared to read a very long entry. okay..so..a couple days after my last entry, my mom made me go to this church thing with this band playing..I didnt really want to go cause i thought it would be the crap she makes me listen to in the car, but I went anyways. She said in case i wanted to, there was this missionary thing they were going to be doing for the rest of the week, and that if i wanted to she'd let me go, which of course at first I didnt even consider. So anyways the band turned out to be pretty cool. A little melodramatic, but yknow a lot of christian bands are like that. But it was a REGGAE christian band. So yeah, they did a song called "i shot the devil" to the tune of "i shot the sherriff", so that was undeniably cool. So, now i was thinking about going on the trip because the kids there seemed somewhat normal (not like my mom), and what we were going to be doing was renovating a house and giving it away, along with other things to do for charity, and it wasnt like forcing anyone we helped to convert or anything, so I was considering now. Anyways, I told my mom id think about it, and we went and told the youth leaders and they assumed that i was "MOST DEFINETTELY" coming..haha. so then i decided i had to cause i didnt want everyone waiting for me or anything. But yeah. It actually turned out to be really fun. Okay, enough about how this all started. The first day of the "compassion comission" thing, the group i was in cleaned beds that were being sent to hospitals in ghana, it was pretty tired but it was cool..(okay..unimportant details..)..Anyways, that night we had church, and I actually went up when they called people to go up (which ive wanted to but have never done because i wouldnt in front of my mother), and one of the youth leaders prayed for me and i actually felt really good when it was over, so i decided then that i was technically christian. me, christian. Like, completely christian. I mean ive always beleived in a god, and that jesus was god, but I never really beleived everything in christianity. But, that day when i finally just surrendered kind of, i felt at peace with myself. I mean i guess i was always kind of christian, but i hated the ideals of many of them and so because of that i distanced myself from the religion. But, what i found out, is that its not the religion that sucks, its a lot of the people. And so..Yeah. Now im christian. I'm still kind of confused about a lot though, because I still have the same political views that i did, and i dont beleive theyre wrong now just because im christian. I still think my moms crazy..(she just took down my finding nemo postter cause she thought the shark looked "evil" and her "spirit wasnt at peace" with it on my wall..God would never tell anyone to take a FINDING NEMO poster down. anyways..)And I dont really think that all other religions are going to hell or anything. I think that every religion has its truth, but christianity has the most. So, yeah, I dont know if thats all really permissable in a lot of christian's eyes as being "christian enough", but to me, being christian means a follower of christ, and jesus was awesome. haha. Jesus wouldnt approve of bush starting wars, or christians turning their backs on the gay community. Anyways, on tuesday we went to Six Flags (with the youth group), and there was this guy that I hadnt really talked to yet, but whom i thought was kind of cute. We ended up in the car together going there, along with his other friend who kept on hitting on me..which felt kind of strange because i dont get hit on repeatedly by some guy who looks stupid and shallow very often. Actually, that guy didnt end up being stupid or shallow at all. I mean, he was goodlooking, but..I dunno. He looked like trouble. But by the end of everything i found out that he was just a guy that was really smart and just there to "improve his relationship with god". So, he wasnt bad at all. He was also a good pianist. Go figure. Anyways, This guy was just like "you're really pretty..can i touch your skin?" hahaha. yeah. a little weird. anyways, the other kid (jake) offered to go on some rides with me and my friends after lunch, so we go back to the park and hang out together. At first he starts putting his arm around me, which i thought was just a friend thing cause he was doing it to all of my friends. Then his hand kind of moved down to my ass, but i thought he was just being absent minded and lazy in his hand placement so i didnt think anything of it (hahhaah..im so nieve). Anyways, we ride the jokers jinx and superman together, and after one of them, he grabs my hand..and im just like..uhm..so now im still thinkin its a friend thing cause he keeps on reffering to me as "friend"..and not only that but i didnt really know what to do cause stuff like this hasnt ever happend to me before. Oh yeah, not to mention how this jake kid has had 47 accounts of grand theft auto, has been to jail for 3 months, went to boot camp to avoid his abusive father..and like a slew of other things. Anyways, so the next ride we go on im kind of sick of him so i get on with this girl i met, randal. And shes all "so whats going on with jake?!" and im just like.."uh..what? oh..eeh i dont like him like that but i dont know if he likes me or not so im not gonna worry about it". Yeah. This was on this merry mixer bull ride thing, so everytime he passes us he blows me a kiss...oooh god. So after the ride hes like "I like you." and im just like.."oh.." hahaha. But yeah, so i didnt know how to handle it. I held his hand and all, but mainly cause i felt sorry for his situation and didnt want to make his life anymore miserable then it already was..But yeah, i guess that was a pretty bad move. Yeah. So anyways, i really didnt want to sit him on the way home cause i knew he'd try something..so, luckily randall covered for me and sat next to me. He kept telling me that if we didnt live so far away he'd ask me out and stuff..and im just like..but..we do..live far away. hahaha. I mean he was okay looking, and i thought he was a little cute, but there was really nothing there that i could relate to or be attracted to or anything. Anyways, he asks if he can kiss me, and i wouldnt let him kiss me on the lips or anything, but whenever id least expect it hed go and kiss my forhead of something..haha. so it was REALLY REALLY weird. You know me, always gettin rejected, and now i had to reject someone else. So, yeah, i had no idea how to go about it or what to do. I probably let it go to far cause i was being naive and thinking no one could ever like me. be careful what you wish for. anyways, so the next day he comes in for breakfast and sits with me and holds my hand and im just like..eehh. Everyone could tell that i didnt really like him that much, even people that i hadnt even talked to. Ha. so everyone was talking about it. Anyways, it was really weird for a couple of days cause he was all clingy. But, yeah, after a while it just got really old. so, yeah, the next day in church in the evening, I told jake that we should just be friends for now cause I dont want to do anything in church. And he said that thats fine, but he really didnt take the hint. Luckily, my friend Gabby sat next to me in church that day after Jake got up to go get something. So, yeah, these boys sitting behind us kept inquiring about jake. At first i thought they were just tryin to be annoying, but we got to talking and they were actually really really cool. It was these three kids, ben, jon, and jake (another jake--we'll just call him kidney. long story). All really hot too. Okay, so i guess you know where im going with all of this. The next day at lunch gabby and i sit with them, and we find out that ben has had a crush on gabby ever since the first day of this thing. And jon and i got to talking. He was really sweet, and he was all "ill beat up jake" and stuff. haha. but nah, I really cant begin to describe jon. But later that day, this girl jasmine was instigating and found out that he liked me, and I liked him. So, yeah..So we started talking more, on the fourth of july he called me and we talked for like..the whole night. So, then i "broke up" with jake for good, i mean i told him as clearly as possible that we should just be friends. And hes like.."thats it?". I dunno. I feel bad for doing that but i had to, cause he wouldnt take the hint. And..yeah. So jon called me everyday the week after that.. ..and last sunday we got in soooo much trouble. hahaha. Jon, laura, and ben came down to our church. Jon to see me, Ben to see me i guess and to just come, and laura to see this guy she liked. And yeah, so anyway, he came to the evening service and so i went and saw them there, and i got out of the car to say hi. Then Jon and I went for a little walk to be alone for a little while before we went in. He picked a flower for me and gave it to me, hehe, it was all sweet and stuff. Anyways, we ended up sitting on a curb and talking for a little while, and then ben comes out of nowhere and is just like..dude i'd hate to be you guys right now. Turns out my mom found out we were "missing" and called secuirity and got all of jons friends to look for us..And then she yelled at poor ben to tell jon to never call our house again. So then my mom shows up and starts yelling at us and escorts us in the church. She tells jon not to call me anymore, and she made me sit alone. But, jon being all awesome and all, he talked to my mom and convinced her to let him call now. And i went and talked to her, and convinced her to let me sit with them in church that day. So, yeah. Jon and I sat together, and just yknow..paid attention in church and talked (cause actually last church service nothing really happend..i mean there was a "presence" so a lot of people were praying or just sitting there absorbing it). But..yeah. He asked me to chinese but my mom said no, and we wern't gonna argue it cause it was yknow...my mom. He's leaving tomorrow for Florida, so that day was that last time we'd see each other in person for a long time..So when he was leaving we had a really long goodbye..We went to this dark corridor near the exit to talk, so no one would bother us. I know it sounds bad but we wernt doing anything, we havent even kissed yet. And speaking of which, now we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We're both each other's first. hehe. He's like "heeey giiiirlfriiiend!"and im like "how you doin boooyfriend!" hehe. inside joke. But yeah, anyways, we had a really long hug, and told each other how much we're gonna miss one another..and yeah. So..sigh. Hes awesome. :D. I just got off the phone with him, since he's leavin tomorrow I probably wont get to hear his voice for a little while..so..that makes me sad. Anyways, a pretty crazy turn of events, eh? I met all these cool people at the church thing that week. This girl i met, gabby, is like 12 but shes really really cool. Her sister danielle is also really awesome, and shes 14. They both look aa looot older then their age. And they have an older sister and an older brother. They all live in tennessee and came up all the way just for the church thing. hehe. Theyre all really cool. haha, gabby was tellin me about how justin thought i was pretty. hehe. he was kinda cute, we reminded me of mike in a couple of years..I mean, lookswise. But anyways, hes 21 so..haha. And i have the best guy in the world. Jon. Oh my god, if you told me that id be saying stuff like this a month ago id call you crazy. haha. this is so weird. But im really happy. Its awesome. Ill miss jon a lot, but im so happy i met him. But, yeah. I know it sounds really cliche and superficial, but its just really hard to describe someone you like so much, youre just too preoccupied thinking about them to talk about them and make complete sense..haha aah..yeah. Im really happy for once in my life. Life is crazy. 5:52 p.m. - 2003-07-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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