compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i wish i was special.. hey everyone. Happy new year. hoorayhoorah.Today was the first day of school. Tomorrow may be a holiday, if it snows. Hopefully it will. I guess school wasnt that bad. Its so much work though. I didnt have the motivation to do anything in chemistry besides talking to kerry. Almost the same in english. I mean, we did about as much work as everyone else but we wernt paying attention during the discussion or whatever. Kerrys so cool. Shes all pretty and has a nice life. A best friend, two cool sisters who like her, nice parents, a room in the attic. I wish i was her. her and sara went to the gym today..and now theyre over kerrys. I wish i had a best friend like that. Someone who i could just take along anywhere and who would take me places and hang out at my house and stuff. I dont really have any friends that close. I lost my macbeth book. I have no idea where it could be. Somewhere in my room, but i cleaned it the other day, and althought i wasnt thinking about it i dont remember coming across the book. Maybe i did and put it somewhere and forgot. Thats what sucks when you clean your room. After youre done you cant find shit. Anyways ill probably just end up going out and buying another one. Which kind of sucks. Hopefully i can find the same publication because im used to it and it was cheap. Ugh, im pissed at jessica again. This time im just not going to talk to her unless she talks to me. Distance myself as long as possible. Its so stupid. I mean, she thinks what i get mad at is how we dont spend any time together and how she hangs out with other friends. And thats hardly it. Its really about how shes a compulsive liar and inconviences me with her stupid shit. See, with the rest of us, something is either there or its not. Like this computer in front of me. It exists definettely. To jessica this computer or whatever in general only exists through a couple of stammerings and poorly strung together nervous words that have a high probablity or implying that it doesnt exist. Or something. I mean..she lies about stupid things. Things not worth lying about. I tried to explain this to her yesterday as calmly as i could without getting frustrated or angry, and she just didnt say anything for 10 mintutes, then typed "bye" and left. God. What an unresponsive bitch. Shes really pissing me off. Then of course we have to give her and wendy a ride from school everyday i mean, wendys mom picks me up. But my mom could drop me. then id get to sleep in too. But no. I guess in a way its good because im never late. Right now i may dislike wendy but shes not really a hassle or annoying in the car. Jessica is. I dont know how to describe it. The way she holds her purse and looks around like shes lost and tries to be really cute while "hurrying" to the car. It annoys me. Maybe thats just because im mad at her. you know whats so weird..Tyler, the guy i liked in 6th grade (moved away in 7th grade), is going out with Holly, the most damnest beautiful coolest girl on the face of the earth. Who moved away in 8th grade. They ended up going to the same high school and becoming friends because then both went to the same middle school. Now they go out. Its really weird, kind of nice, and kind of crappy. I mean..its just weird how everything worked itself out like that. And theyre both pretty cool i guess so its kind of nice. But it also makes me feel pretty shitty cause its not like i could have ever gotten him. I know it was 6th grade anyway but stupid things like that always bother me. After he found out i liked him he would blush and smile at me and bury his face in his arms. I felt like such a fucking predator. I guess i assumed that he didnt like me. I dont know. I still dont. And it doesnt really matter anymore because hes dating holly and lives in pennsylvania. And hollys awesome. Man, if i thought about all my unrequited crushes and crap at once id probably kill myself or something. It sucks so bad. I mean..what..Tyler. Called me a whore in 6th grade. He apologized for it in 7th though, right before he left. He was being really nice then. And then there was Jeff, who ended up going out with jessica. Yes, the same jessica. Then in 8th grade it was steven, who i found out at the end of the year wanted to rape this girl in my neighborhood. In 9th and then earlier this year it was matt, who has yet to break my glass insides but someone who i just dont know about anymore. I mean hes alright and all. Hes nice to me i guess..but.. Yeah..I just dont think i like him anymore. Today when i was talking to kerry and i could see him staring at me out of my peripheral, waiting for me to look at him back. I guess i avoided his eyes on purpose, so as that he would get the point that i dont like him anymore. Or something. And then in History class, he always turns around to tell me something dumb. Usually i just laugh a little out of politness and the fact that i used to like him..but..I dont know. We're studying the Reniassance, and when ms ford asked who thinks that they would qualify as a reniassance man, he raised his hand. I mean. He didnt even blink. He wasnt kidding either. He obviously thinks that highly of himself. Its kind of sad, really. I mean, i guess he is smart. Hes good at math and all the crap im not good at. His art sucks though. I mean. the stuff he calls art. Theyre really just doodles and heavy line boxy pencil drawings that he thinks are some kind of post-surrealism (he probably doesnt know what surrealism is, im just saying that he thinks hes a damn artist when all he does is stupid crap). And then he thinks hes funny. He is sometimes, but most of the time you just want to slap him. I guess i should stop bashing him. Cant hate someone just cause they love themselves a little too much. He hasnt really dont anything bad to me anyways. But i dont know. He just gets under my skin. A lot of people do these days. 8:09 p.m. - 2003-01-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||