compie's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- student of the month? what? and i cant even make the tennis team? ARGH. Once again, i have proven to myself that I am a loser. A big one. I didnt make the team, but that shouldnt surprise you. It probably didnt surprise alicia, thats what she said all along. No one had any faith in me and i dont see why they would. :'(. I hate feeling this way. Once im over Carver, this has to happen. I really shouldnt care this much. But i always do. I had to bite my lip and smile through my puddled eyes to i wouldnt start sobbing. Why do things like this bother me so much? ARGH. Then wendy and alicia just yelled and bitched at me for stupid things throughout the day, they didnt care. At least those people that arnt my best friends cared. Like tuyen and soraya. Okay its dumb that im like....seeing who pays attention to me or whatever. Its just that no one really does. Im a bit mad that alicia and wendy just bitched at me and were assholes like always when they knew i was feeling bad. No one told them to care or pay attention, i would just like them to be nice to me..like how friends are supposed to be...on the one day i feel like crap. But whatever. As ive said earlier, im better off alone. crying alone in my room. No one reads this so i can say that. Its better to be happy to the rest of the world and be miserable inside. Then people dont accuse you of seeking attention. For example, real suicidal people dont go around telling people theyre suicidal, because then its more of a "hey im dying. please give me attention." sort of thing. Thats not implying im suicidal or anything. Im not. Today was Ranjus last day. Im gonna miss her so much! sniff. She was the awesomest. I love Ranju. Shes going to go to this rich school, where they get palm pilots instead of agenda books. At least she gets to get out of this shithole, but ill miss her. The schools kicking her out cause they found out she moved. Maan. It would suck if i had to leave. She doesnt want to leave. I feel bad for her. Ill miss her a lot. On the upside i got student-of-the-month today. I was really surprised. Michelle told me my name was called, i didnt really hear it cause i wasnt suspecting it. I was nominated by mr thanner, my government teacher. he said in the letter that i got it "for being a very hard-working student who has maintained a high average in GT government class. Your ability to think abstractly, problem solve, and communicate has caused you to stand out from the rest of the class in discussions and classroom debates. You are always quick to suggest an alternative viewpoint, while still respecting the views of your classmates. You are indefatigable in your adherance to CPR2 and lead by example in the classroom. your solid work ethic and your open mind will continue to lead you into great things at Western. Congratulations on a job well done!!!" hehe. yeah. So that makes me happy. kinda. It kinda sucks that i had to get it today, a little ironic of how ive been rejected and honored by the school in the same day. Mr. Jett was in the room that we had to go to to accept our certificates and stuff. I couldnt look at him. Ill see him on monday :| aaah. whats also weird is that right now i probably have the lowest gpa ive had all year in all my classes combined :-/. heh. yeah. i wish i was good enough to make the tennis team. So now ive had two things on my rejection list. Im not good enough at art and im not good enough at tennis. Just get a couple other things knocked down and ill be officially worthless. At least the comments mr Thanner made made me feel better. He didnt talk more about how i worked hard, but how i had an open mind and stuff. And to me thats what really counts. I guess ill try out again for tennis next year. 2:46 p.m. - 2002-03-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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